When it came to buying gifts for my groomsmen, I wasn't sure what to do. Normally I'm really good at giving gifts (I hate to admit it, but I think my primary love language is gifts). The first wedding I ended up just giving the guys gift cards (really personal). I kicked around the idea of doing that again, but I honestly hate that I did it the first time and there was no way I was doing that again. The three guys who stood by me this time are men I claim as brothers; they have stood by me through the roughest part of my life, and there is nothing I would not do for them.
After several weeks I finally came up with the perfect gift, and I ended up doing a two part gift, and even that two part gift changed a bit. The night before my wedding as the four of us were back at my apartment, I gave each of them a Spartan shield key ring from Greece. These men are part of my phalanx, and the key chain is a reminder that I've got their back no matter what. For the second part, I told them I was getting them a date with their wives. This being my second marriage, and still going through a 4+ year legal battle, I never want them to end up where I've been. There were a lot of issues with my first marriage (one day I may get into all of that here), but one of the key things is that I stopped pursuing my ex-wife. I had planned to get them each a gift card to some place near them, and send them a list of questions they needed to ask their wives while on the date, but due to the ongoing legal battle, I have very little creative mental capacity right now (for those of you who read my personal blog, that's why I've been absent for most of the year).
I don't remember how I found it, but on there was a book I discovered on Amazon called "52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple's Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together" (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00H3V4YYC?ref=dbs_p2d_P_R_popup_yes_pony_T1) I bought it for my wife and I, and after reading through the first couple dates, I decided that instead of one evening, I would get each of them this book. I highly recommend it for all married couples; the couple my wife and I have done have been great, and helped us bond closer together.
This year, as we celebrated our first married Christmas, we decided to do something crazy. We went to Frankenmuth, Michigan, home of Bronner's Christmas Wonderland, the worlds largest Christmas store. It's a four hour drive, and since we were going to have a lot of time in the car, I decided to have a date with my wife. We did "The Music Date" over two days. For this date, you each compile a list of songs that have been meaningful during your lives and play them for each other, discussing them and what they mean to you.
My list consisted of a song that had impacted me in high school, my funeral play list (seriously think about that, the more you can do to prepare and organize your funeral, the easier it is on your grieving loved ones), the enneagram one song, songs that reminded me of my wife, "Concerning Hobbits" from the Fellowship of the Ring sound track, and a couple other songs that had meant something to me over the past few years. As we listened and talked about my list, it made me think a lot about life, where I've been, what I've gone through, and where I'm at now.
It's time to say this, but God and I are in a weird place, and we have been for almost a decade. My experiences in pastoral ministry have not helped, and the ongoing difficulties of being at the mercy of the legal system have been very draining. There was a time back in college, when life was simple, when God was my best friend; we had such intimacy and fellowship that it was evident to those around me. Now, I would rather spend my mornings reading the Appalachian Trail book I got for Christmas than opening my Bible, and I'd rather destress with any number of distractions instead of prayer. I spend a lot of my time longing for the day when I'll be hiking the AT, PCT, and CDT, or sitting in my orchard watching the sunset, than I do about the ministry I had been pursing.
This past year I've heard of two friends, one who has given up on his faith, and one who almost did, and I've wondered if that's going to be me. As I've pondered that, the words of John 6 keep coming to my mind, "As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, 'You do not want to go away also, do you?' Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.'"
Am I going to leave my faith, no, I've experienced God too much in the past to doubt that He is real, and that He alone is God, but as the Bible says, "You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder." (James 2.19) I don't simply want to believe in God, but I want the passion and fire that I once had, no, I want greater passion and fire than I once had. I want to wake up in the morning and run to my chair to be with God (one day I want to run to my orchard to be with Him). I want to teach my children who God is and how to pursue Him. I want my distance hikes to be journeys that help me draw closer to, and discover more about God. I want to make an impact on the world so that the songs played at my funeral are not simply pleasant melodies for some people to hear, but testimonies that inspire steadfast faithfulness.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, December 27, 2019
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Deja vu, by Aaron
Has there ever been a time in your life when you saw something or were going through something, and all you could think was "Deja vu". In French, the term Deja vu basically means "already seen". I feel like I'm in a season right now where everything is deja vu. I currently have three children under 5 years old. The middle child is 22 months old and the youngest child is 7 months old. Since the two are so close in age, everything that the younger one is going through feels like we just went through it. There are about three years between the 5 year old and the one (almost two) year old, so I pretty much had forgotten about the infancy stage at that point in time. So when baby three came along sooner than my wife and I expected, we were just getting out of that newborn stage it seemed and then it started all over again.
Lack of sleep has been the hardest adjustment for my wife and I at this point in time. I feel like it was a teaser when the middle child started sleeping through the night, because we went straight back into waking up every two hours. Our youngest baby is sleeping a little better, but my wife and I will definitely love when we are not awaken by a crying child. Which may not happen until they are out of our house some of you readers are thinking!
Besides the children, I have also felt like life in general has been a state of deja vu. Monday my alarm goes off at 5:30 and I go to the gym at 6, then I come home at 7:15 to shower and then run into work by 9:00. When I come home we eat, give the kids a bath, talk to my wife, read the word or pray, and go to bed. The rest of the week is very similar to that. Sometimes we have small group and sometimes when have a small activity for the kids planned, but generally our week is scheduled in that format. By Saturday and Sunday we are pretty worn down and just want to relax at home. Honestly the last thing I want to do is go to Sunday service in the morning, it's like my only day to sleep in right!
This cycle plays over and over and over each week. There are definitely weeks that look a little different, but we just keep playing the exact same tune it seems. I've been asking the Lord recently, show me what you are doing in this community and family. Let me join you Lord, I want to be a part of your work. Work is great, family is great, friends are great, and nothing wrong with any of those things. But at the end of the day, nothing else matters but your relationship with the Lord. On that day when the Lord opens his book, I want him to say "well done, good and faithful servant". Recently I've been feeling like the Lord is saying to me, just love my children. Just love on ALL of my children. The guy that gives you the dirty looks when you walk down the street, love on him. The lady that takes an hour to scan all of you food in the grocery line, love on her. Love on the your father that you've had a poor relationship with for many years. Love on your mother than has not been in your life as much as she should have. Just love on my people, that is what He asking of me.
I'm going to make some people mad, but I've also been feeling like as a "church" we've been in deja vu mode as well. We go to Sunday school in the morning, then we go to service and worship. After worship we hear the announcements and then we give for the offering. Then we hear the sermon for about an hour. After the service we say hello to a few people and then we go home and eat lunch. First of all let me say this, there is nothing wrong with that and all those things are fine. It just happens over and over and over again right. The service is great, but man it just feels like deja vu sometimes. I mean let's just start getting into each others life. Let's cancel service every once in awhile and go to each others homes and get into each others lives (not just small group). I'm also not talking about church members, but community members. Let's go to Bob Evan's and talk to people we don't know instead of meeting in the home. It seems like unless we are at work, all we do is hang out with believers. What did Jesus say in Matthew 9:12? "It's not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick". I think Jesus was on to something don't you? If the believers know that Jesus has risen and the Father loves us unconditionally, why do we keep that to ourselves.
My prayer is that as you read this, you will be encouraged to take a step. The step I want you take is to pray for those around you. Focus on your community and those in your life that may not know the Father. Could be family, could be coworkers, could be John Doe that walks his dog every morning and waves to you. Let's pray for our church community to become united fully as one. Let's pray for our pastors to be blessed and to guide you as you get into each others lives. When God puts someone in your path because of the prayers, let the Holy Spirit guide your words. Pray to get out of this deja vu, this funk, or this rut as we just seem to do the same thing over. I pray that the church grows united and to be salt in their community. The great thing about the deja vu I am speaking of is that it can change. The change starts with you. Let's be about God's work. Peace and God bless!
Lack of sleep has been the hardest adjustment for my wife and I at this point in time. I feel like it was a teaser when the middle child started sleeping through the night, because we went straight back into waking up every two hours. Our youngest baby is sleeping a little better, but my wife and I will definitely love when we are not awaken by a crying child. Which may not happen until they are out of our house some of you readers are thinking!
Besides the children, I have also felt like life in general has been a state of deja vu. Monday my alarm goes off at 5:30 and I go to the gym at 6, then I come home at 7:15 to shower and then run into work by 9:00. When I come home we eat, give the kids a bath, talk to my wife, read the word or pray, and go to bed. The rest of the week is very similar to that. Sometimes we have small group and sometimes when have a small activity for the kids planned, but generally our week is scheduled in that format. By Saturday and Sunday we are pretty worn down and just want to relax at home. Honestly the last thing I want to do is go to Sunday service in the morning, it's like my only day to sleep in right!
This cycle plays over and over and over each week. There are definitely weeks that look a little different, but we just keep playing the exact same tune it seems. I've been asking the Lord recently, show me what you are doing in this community and family. Let me join you Lord, I want to be a part of your work. Work is great, family is great, friends are great, and nothing wrong with any of those things. But at the end of the day, nothing else matters but your relationship with the Lord. On that day when the Lord opens his book, I want him to say "well done, good and faithful servant". Recently I've been feeling like the Lord is saying to me, just love my children. Just love on ALL of my children. The guy that gives you the dirty looks when you walk down the street, love on him. The lady that takes an hour to scan all of you food in the grocery line, love on her. Love on the your father that you've had a poor relationship with for many years. Love on your mother than has not been in your life as much as she should have. Just love on my people, that is what He asking of me.
I'm going to make some people mad, but I've also been feeling like as a "church" we've been in deja vu mode as well. We go to Sunday school in the morning, then we go to service and worship. After worship we hear the announcements and then we give for the offering. Then we hear the sermon for about an hour. After the service we say hello to a few people and then we go home and eat lunch. First of all let me say this, there is nothing wrong with that and all those things are fine. It just happens over and over and over again right. The service is great, but man it just feels like deja vu sometimes. I mean let's just start getting into each others life. Let's cancel service every once in awhile and go to each others homes and get into each others lives (not just small group). I'm also not talking about church members, but community members. Let's go to Bob Evan's and talk to people we don't know instead of meeting in the home. It seems like unless we are at work, all we do is hang out with believers. What did Jesus say in Matthew 9:12? "It's not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick". I think Jesus was on to something don't you? If the believers know that Jesus has risen and the Father loves us unconditionally, why do we keep that to ourselves.
My prayer is that as you read this, you will be encouraged to take a step. The step I want you take is to pray for those around you. Focus on your community and those in your life that may not know the Father. Could be family, could be coworkers, could be John Doe that walks his dog every morning and waves to you. Let's pray for our church community to become united fully as one. Let's pray for our pastors to be blessed and to guide you as you get into each others lives. When God puts someone in your path because of the prayers, let the Holy Spirit guide your words. Pray to get out of this deja vu, this funk, or this rut as we just seem to do the same thing over. I pray that the church grows united and to be salt in their community. The great thing about the deja vu I am speaking of is that it can change. The change starts with you. Let's be about God's work. Peace and God bless!
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Turning 33, by Will
In the summer of 2018, my parents bought a piece of property and informed my siblings and me that they would be moving from the place we had called home for almost three decades. This past spring they told us they had sold our house and that we had until early August to get everything out. When I moved the last box out I figured that was it, but I ended up stopping by one more time. I had taken my youngest daughter on a donut date and on our way home, we ended up stopping by grammy and papa's house. As my daughter got chapstick and hair clips from grammy, I went up to what had been my bedroom.
It was empty, and it's amazing how small it felt. I sat there and began to remember. I thought about the tent I had built on the one side of the room when I was 6 or 7, I haven't thought about that thing in decades. I remembered the hours playing legos on the floor, and how I had picked the carpet so it would look like the ocean for my lego pirate ships to sail on. I remember that I wanted the walls purple, Donatello was my favorite ninja turtle when I was little, but my parents said no because it would be too dark. I remember the hours spent playing Batman in the small cubby hole in the corner, the night I took my hermit crab, Shep, out of the tank to let him walk around a bit and forgot I took him out (I did find him in a corner of my closet later that night), and then I had another memory, one I hadn't thought about in over ten years.
When I was in high school, I had a small desk in my room. As I leaned against the wall it used to be on I remembered sitting at that desk as an 18 year old preparing to head off to college and writing my first sermon. In the process of moving everything out, I found the cassette tape (yes you read that right) that the service was recorded on. Currently, I have my grandpas old car, and it just so happens to have a cassette player in it, so a couple of weeks ago my wife and I listened to the first sermon I ever preached as we drove to her mom's house. For an 18 year old with no training at all, it wasn't a bad message, fully rooted in the Bible, it had good illustrations that were personal, and it called for a response from the people to connect to God. As I listened to my 18 year old self share, I've thought a lot about life since that night in August 2005.
I'm now 33, and my life does not look anything like I thought it would back then. I had a plan then and the path ahead was clear; needless to say nothing has gone according to plan, absolutely nothing. I'm 33, have no career (job yes, but not a career), am in an ongoing legal battle with my ex-wife, and am still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life.
This past year has brought conclusions, I finished my M.Div and am officially done with grad school (cannot tell you how thrilled I am about this). It was also a year of beginnings, I married an amazing woman who I love living life with and cannot wait to see what happens, (Jacob and I are legally brothers now as I married his wife's sister, and since Jacob and Jeremy are twins, I'm claiming Jeremy as my legal brother too) You can read a little about the wedding in my last post, "Wearing a Ring Again" at https://proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com/2019/10/wearing-ring-again-by-will.html. This year has been one of ongoing battles, the custody issue was supposed to be concluded at the end of August, and yet it goes on (I can't say much about this right now, but one day...). It has been a year of frustration, looking for a career after grad school shockingly brings the same response I got after college, "You've got great education, we want someone with more experience." (does that statement ever go away?) It has been a year of setting time frames for goals (completely done with formal education by 40, still debating on the PhD) and changing goals (no longer plan to section hike the AT, just want to thru hike it, along with the Pacific Crest Trail and the Continental Divide Trail, it's called the Triple Crown).
I don't know what the next 12 months of life will hold. I've got something else I'm pursuing, hoping it turns into an opportunity. I've got something I've been thinking about for years, and I think now is the time to really try to process this. I'm hoping that this legal battle will be concluded before we hit the five year mark. I'm also just getting ready for some big changes that are coming.
Life is not where I thought it would be when I was 18, I've faced trials I never thought I would go through, but I've learned more about myself and God through the process than I ever thought possible. Here's to 33 and the journey of this next year.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
It was empty, and it's amazing how small it felt. I sat there and began to remember. I thought about the tent I had built on the one side of the room when I was 6 or 7, I haven't thought about that thing in decades. I remembered the hours playing legos on the floor, and how I had picked the carpet so it would look like the ocean for my lego pirate ships to sail on. I remember that I wanted the walls purple, Donatello was my favorite ninja turtle when I was little, but my parents said no because it would be too dark. I remember the hours spent playing Batman in the small cubby hole in the corner, the night I took my hermit crab, Shep, out of the tank to let him walk around a bit and forgot I took him out (I did find him in a corner of my closet later that night), and then I had another memory, one I hadn't thought about in over ten years.
When I was in high school, I had a small desk in my room. As I leaned against the wall it used to be on I remembered sitting at that desk as an 18 year old preparing to head off to college and writing my first sermon. In the process of moving everything out, I found the cassette tape (yes you read that right) that the service was recorded on. Currently, I have my grandpas old car, and it just so happens to have a cassette player in it, so a couple of weeks ago my wife and I listened to the first sermon I ever preached as we drove to her mom's house. For an 18 year old with no training at all, it wasn't a bad message, fully rooted in the Bible, it had good illustrations that were personal, and it called for a response from the people to connect to God. As I listened to my 18 year old self share, I've thought a lot about life since that night in August 2005.
I'm now 33, and my life does not look anything like I thought it would back then. I had a plan then and the path ahead was clear; needless to say nothing has gone according to plan, absolutely nothing. I'm 33, have no career (job yes, but not a career), am in an ongoing legal battle with my ex-wife, and am still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life.
This past year has brought conclusions, I finished my M.Div and am officially done with grad school (cannot tell you how thrilled I am about this). It was also a year of beginnings, I married an amazing woman who I love living life with and cannot wait to see what happens, (Jacob and I are legally brothers now as I married his wife's sister, and since Jacob and Jeremy are twins, I'm claiming Jeremy as my legal brother too) You can read a little about the wedding in my last post, "Wearing a Ring Again" at https://proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com/2019/10/wearing-ring-again-by-will.html. This year has been one of ongoing battles, the custody issue was supposed to be concluded at the end of August, and yet it goes on (I can't say much about this right now, but one day...). It has been a year of frustration, looking for a career after grad school shockingly brings the same response I got after college, "You've got great education, we want someone with more experience." (does that statement ever go away?) It has been a year of setting time frames for goals (completely done with formal education by 40, still debating on the PhD) and changing goals (no longer plan to section hike the AT, just want to thru hike it, along with the Pacific Crest Trail and the Continental Divide Trail, it's called the Triple Crown).
I don't know what the next 12 months of life will hold. I've got something else I'm pursuing, hoping it turns into an opportunity. I've got something I've been thinking about for years, and I think now is the time to really try to process this. I'm hoping that this legal battle will be concluded before we hit the five year mark. I'm also just getting ready for some big changes that are coming.
Life is not where I thought it would be when I was 18, I've faced trials I never thought I would go through, but I've learned more about myself and God through the process than I ever thought possible. Here's to 33 and the journey of this next year.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, October 4, 2019
Wearing a Ring Again, by Will
I don't remember when exactly I took off my wedding ring, but it was long before the divorce was finalized. I wasn't sure what to do with it, I had talked to a couple guys, one said he pawned his, the other threw his in the ocean. At first I wanted to go full Lord of the Rings on mine, trekking to a volcano and throwing it in, then I learned that tungsten won't melt in lava, so that plan got scrapped. I put it on the locking carabiner that I carry my keys on, and it's been there for over three years.
As I've thought about what to do with my old wedding ring, I've realized that I don't simply want to get rid of it or sell it, it isn't worth much, and I want to do something meaningful. For a long time it has been a goal of mine to hike the Appalachian Trail. I was able to do my first miles on the AT this year, as did my girls, I met and talked to my first through hiker, Moonshine was his trail name, and I began to research, plan, and really focus on getting the right equipment to make my own hike happen. And in the process of all of this it hit me, the AT is where I need to get rid of my ring. I haven't nailed down a specific spot yet, but I have an idea, and I'm hoping that next summer I'll get the chance to begin section hiking the AT and then throw my ring into the wilderness in a symbolic moment of freedom, release, and final healing from a battle that has been going on for far too long. And the best part of all of this, I won't be going alone.
In May 2017, in the midst of my divorce, I "met" a girl. I use quotation marks because I don't know that we said five words to each other that evening, but she caught my attention, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I learned what I could about her through Facebook and Instagram, and over the next several months things would make me think of her. Even though my marriage had been over for years at this point, I was still legally married so I wasn't going to pursue anything. When my divorce was finalized, there were so many reasons for me not to try to pursue her, so many obstacles seemed to be in the way, we lived over an hour away from each other, I had two girls and she was a single, travel loving girl, then there was that five month trip to the Himalayas she went on. But I couldn't get her out of my mind, and I knew if I didn't try I would regret it for the rest of my life.
She got home from India in July 2018, and at the end of the month we had coffee. I pursued her, and she responded and kept saying yes to my requests to hang out. On September 22, 2019, (I learned the day before that this is Hobbit day really cool and fitting coincidence), I had a new ring put on my finger. It was hot, almost 90 degrees, not what we were expecting for late September, but this is Northeast Ohio after all. My daughters looked adorable in their dresses, and my soon to be wife looked absolutely stunning in her white gown. Tears were rolling down my cheeks for most of the ceremony, something that is completely uncharacteristic of me, but the beauty of everything was overwhelming.
My girls gave me away, my wife and I exchanged vows we wrote ourselves, and then after a moment of worship, we put rings on each others fingers. These rings are unique, no other rings will ever be exactly like ours. I found this style before we were even a couple, and knew these would be our bands before she even knew I was interested. I was looking for a ring made out of tamahagane, the steel they use to make katanas; what came up was a technique called mokume gane. The metals are melted together, becoming one, and creating a unique pattern. The metals remain unique and individually identifiable, but they are one unit that cannot be separated; it's the perfect image of what marriage is.
As I've thought about what to do with my old wedding ring, I've realized that I don't simply want to get rid of it or sell it, it isn't worth much, and I want to do something meaningful. For a long time it has been a goal of mine to hike the Appalachian Trail. I was able to do my first miles on the AT this year, as did my girls, I met and talked to my first through hiker, Moonshine was his trail name, and I began to research, plan, and really focus on getting the right equipment to make my own hike happen. And in the process of all of this it hit me, the AT is where I need to get rid of my ring. I haven't nailed down a specific spot yet, but I have an idea, and I'm hoping that next summer I'll get the chance to begin section hiking the AT and then throw my ring into the wilderness in a symbolic moment of freedom, release, and final healing from a battle that has been going on for far too long. And the best part of all of this, I won't be going alone.
In May 2017, in the midst of my divorce, I "met" a girl. I use quotation marks because I don't know that we said five words to each other that evening, but she caught my attention, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I learned what I could about her through Facebook and Instagram, and over the next several months things would make me think of her. Even though my marriage had been over for years at this point, I was still legally married so I wasn't going to pursue anything. When my divorce was finalized, there were so many reasons for me not to try to pursue her, so many obstacles seemed to be in the way, we lived over an hour away from each other, I had two girls and she was a single, travel loving girl, then there was that five month trip to the Himalayas she went on. But I couldn't get her out of my mind, and I knew if I didn't try I would regret it for the rest of my life.
She got home from India in July 2018, and at the end of the month we had coffee. I pursued her, and she responded and kept saying yes to my requests to hang out. On September 22, 2019, (I learned the day before that this is Hobbit day really cool and fitting coincidence), I had a new ring put on my finger. It was hot, almost 90 degrees, not what we were expecting for late September, but this is Northeast Ohio after all. My daughters looked adorable in their dresses, and my soon to be wife looked absolutely stunning in her white gown. Tears were rolling down my cheeks for most of the ceremony, something that is completely uncharacteristic of me, but the beauty of everything was overwhelming.
My girls gave me away, my wife and I exchanged vows we wrote ourselves, and then after a moment of worship, we put rings on each others fingers. These rings are unique, no other rings will ever be exactly like ours. I found this style before we were even a couple, and knew these would be our bands before she even knew I was interested. I was looking for a ring made out of tamahagane, the steel they use to make katanas; what came up was a technique called mokume gane. The metals are melted together, becoming one, and creating a unique pattern. The metals remain unique and individually identifiable, but they are one unit that cannot be separated; it's the perfect image of what marriage is.
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Burnout, by Will
So it's been a while... life has been really hectic and my mind has been so swamped with everything else going on that I've had very little time to process anything else. I've missed writing, it's so good for my soul, but sadly it's one of the first things to go. I find that when I'm not taking the time to process anything I have very little worth saying, and then when I do write it just feels forced. I hate when things feel forced, and so I made the decision not to write. I've missed it, and sadly I'm not in a place to start writing with any frequency again just yet, but that day should be coming before too long.
I've experienced burnout several times in my life. It's happened to me in ministry, I've been on a seven year break from professional ministry and a four year break from consistent volunteer ministry. I've experienced it in relationships, that would take too long to dive into so I'll leave it as a blanket statement. I experienced it with school, I graduated with my second master's degree in May, and now grad school is officially over, but I haven't completely ruled out more schooling yet. I've experienced it with trials and hardships, sometimes they just don't seem to end. I don't mean to sound like a victim. I've been through a lot in the past decade, but there are some out there who have had it way worse in the past week than I have in the past ten years, and that is something I've tried to keep in mind as I try and process everything.
I don't really have anything deep or insightful right now. I started this post back in April, and so much has happened since then. There are things I want to share but need to process more first. There are things that need to come to conclusion, and there are new beginnings happening. And as I try to write the next sentence my mind is just blank.
I'll end by asking for your prayers; next week is going to be draining for me, and some big decisions will be made. Please be in prayer for strength, endurance, and a good outcome, more to come afterwards.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I've experienced burnout several times in my life. It's happened to me in ministry, I've been on a seven year break from professional ministry and a four year break from consistent volunteer ministry. I've experienced it in relationships, that would take too long to dive into so I'll leave it as a blanket statement. I experienced it with school, I graduated with my second master's degree in May, and now grad school is officially over, but I haven't completely ruled out more schooling yet. I've experienced it with trials and hardships, sometimes they just don't seem to end. I don't mean to sound like a victim. I've been through a lot in the past decade, but there are some out there who have had it way worse in the past week than I have in the past ten years, and that is something I've tried to keep in mind as I try and process everything.
I don't really have anything deep or insightful right now. I started this post back in April, and so much has happened since then. There are things I want to share but need to process more first. There are things that need to come to conclusion, and there are new beginnings happening. And as I try to write the next sentence my mind is just blank.
I'll end by asking for your prayers; next week is going to be draining for me, and some big decisions will be made. Please be in prayer for strength, endurance, and a good outcome, more to come afterwards.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Empty Tomb, by Ryan
Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.
-John 20:11-18
With Mary as the first witness, the tomb is empty! Jesus is alive! Happy Easter!
They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.
-John 20:11-18
With Mary as the first witness, the tomb is empty! Jesus is alive! Happy Easter!
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Conclusions, by Will
I'm coming to loath the word "busy" more and more each year. The past five years of my life seem to be dominated by it, but I'm starting to have a little hope that it's reign will soon be coming to an end. School has dominated so much of my life since August 2014, wow that feels so long ago, but the end is in sight as I'm now in my final class. Six weeks from today, my career as a graduate student will officially be completed when I walk at commencement. It's been a long road, and I'm hoping it will all have been worth it.
The legal battle I've been in since 2016 had the final pre-trial hearing this month. There are still a couple of steps to take before the final hearing, but the end of this is (hopefully) quickly approaching.
Last July, I reached out to a couple pastors about seeking intentional discipleship with them for one year. The time I've spent with them has been good. I've been able to learn about leadership from an experienced and successful leader, and I've been able to talk about discovering a deeper relationship with God with a man who has endured suffering and remained faithful and obedient. It's now almost April, and the year I asked for is starting to wrap up.
My life has a lot of conclusions right now. I felt last June that I was given a one year time frame on this season of life, and everything seems to be sticking to that time frame. The issue is, I don't know what's next.
This has frustrated me for a while, and it feels like everyday I get more anxious and frustrated. I've always been a planner, it's just who I am, and the inability to really plan anything has been really irritating, especially since I have absolutely no idea what may be coming. I've looked at a couple opportunities, but nothing has worked out so far.
I've found myself being nervous about pursuing opportunities because I'm getting tired of rejection. And in this, I'm trying to trust. Trusting has been hard. Each day when nothing happens and I move a day closer to the end of the time frame God gave me I find myself doubting a little bit.
I don't want to live with doubt. I've heard so many stories of God providing for people in I know. I've watched Him come through for several of my brothers in the past two years, I've prayed with boldness and confidence for them and with them about these things, and I've watched God answer our prayers specifically. I want to trust that God is going to come through for me as well.
Every conclusion leads to a new beginning, waiting for that can be difficult.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
The legal battle I've been in since 2016 had the final pre-trial hearing this month. There are still a couple of steps to take before the final hearing, but the end of this is (hopefully) quickly approaching.
Last July, I reached out to a couple pastors about seeking intentional discipleship with them for one year. The time I've spent with them has been good. I've been able to learn about leadership from an experienced and successful leader, and I've been able to talk about discovering a deeper relationship with God with a man who has endured suffering and remained faithful and obedient. It's now almost April, and the year I asked for is starting to wrap up.
My life has a lot of conclusions right now. I felt last June that I was given a one year time frame on this season of life, and everything seems to be sticking to that time frame. The issue is, I don't know what's next.
This has frustrated me for a while, and it feels like everyday I get more anxious and frustrated. I've always been a planner, it's just who I am, and the inability to really plan anything has been really irritating, especially since I have absolutely no idea what may be coming. I've looked at a couple opportunities, but nothing has worked out so far.
I've found myself being nervous about pursuing opportunities because I'm getting tired of rejection. And in this, I'm trying to trust. Trusting has been hard. Each day when nothing happens and I move a day closer to the end of the time frame God gave me I find myself doubting a little bit.
I don't want to live with doubt. I've heard so many stories of God providing for people in I know. I've watched Him come through for several of my brothers in the past two years, I've prayed with boldness and confidence for them and with them about these things, and I've watched God answer our prayers specifically. I want to trust that God is going to come through for me as well.
Every conclusion leads to a new beginning, waiting for that can be difficult.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
The waiting game! Getting ready for child #3, by Aaron
So my wife and I are about 3 days away from the due date of our third child. We currently have two boys and our third child will be a girl. God has definitely blessed us in life, and we are excited to meet our little girl hopefully within the next couple of days. As we are about to close a chapter in our lives with having only the two boys, I have been reflecting on this current season with my family. It is very exciting to bring a baby home, but I am also feeling very sad to close this last chapter of our life. I will say it has been a somewhat difficult season with the boys, as they are getting older they know how to test you as a parent. They know how to push your buttons and they push those limits everyday. Some days can be very rough, but I don't know what I would do without those boys. They are constantly on my mind when I work, and they always put a smile on my face when I get home. Even in those difficult times, I feel like God is constantly telling me "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19-20). This latest chapter in life has brought my wife and I closer together. As I stated earlier, it has been difficult parenting the boys, but we have held each others hands the whole way. We ask forgiveness multiple times a week and have to apologize to the boys for our faults. But these boys are full of life, full of love and I'm so proud to be a part of their lives.
Now we are in the wake of starting our next chapter and as Father I am terrified to try to parent a little girl. I have the changing diaper thing down and holding a newborn baby I finally have down pretty well. I give our boys a bath the majority of the time and have gotten better at picking out clothes that actually match, so I have the little stuff down, kinda! Here are some things I have been been reflecting on as a Father and husband. Am I gentle enough? Am I slow to anger? It's pretty easy for me to get angry and yell at the boys without them even flinching. I've just been praying for gentleness and patience with our little girl (and the boys). I also am praying my youngest does not feel neglected. Sometimes I feel like I am not giving my oldest enough of my time, mostly because the youngest just gets into everything and we have to keep an eye on him at all times. I want all my children and especially my wife to know that they are all important to me.
So as we are awaiting the arrival of our daughter, I just wanted to say that God is good and we are so excited for her to join our family. As her father, I am already praying for her each day that she would grow up to know the Lord. I have been praying for kindness, hospitality, and joy to be a part of her. I am praying that she would be an encouragement to all those she meets. I pray that her older brothers would love on her and would protect her. I pray that her mother and I would be gentle with her and help create an environment in our home that points her straight to Jesus.
To all those reading that have children or are trying to have children, I hope that you are praying for your children. I pray that you are preparing an environment in your home that will point them to the Father. I pray that if you are having a difficult time in your life, that you would allow the God to minister to your heart. If you are trying to have children and cannot, the Father knows your heart. Tell Him that you are frustrated, and just put it in His hands. I can't tell you why, but I do know someone that will listen to your heart. If your kids are driving you crazy, ask the Father to help you. I mean He created all of creation, I have to believe He knows how to do this parenting thing way better than us. If you are reading this, please pray for my family as we move into this next transition. After our little girl comes, I will try to write another post soon about how we are transitioning and how the Father has been working in our lives as we parent our growing family.
God bless you all!
-Aaron
Now we are in the wake of starting our next chapter and as Father I am terrified to try to parent a little girl. I have the changing diaper thing down and holding a newborn baby I finally have down pretty well. I give our boys a bath the majority of the time and have gotten better at picking out clothes that actually match, so I have the little stuff down, kinda! Here are some things I have been been reflecting on as a Father and husband. Am I gentle enough? Am I slow to anger? It's pretty easy for me to get angry and yell at the boys without them even flinching. I've just been praying for gentleness and patience with our little girl (and the boys). I also am praying my youngest does not feel neglected. Sometimes I feel like I am not giving my oldest enough of my time, mostly because the youngest just gets into everything and we have to keep an eye on him at all times. I want all my children and especially my wife to know that they are all important to me.
So as we are awaiting the arrival of our daughter, I just wanted to say that God is good and we are so excited for her to join our family. As her father, I am already praying for her each day that she would grow up to know the Lord. I have been praying for kindness, hospitality, and joy to be a part of her. I am praying that she would be an encouragement to all those she meets. I pray that her older brothers would love on her and would protect her. I pray that her mother and I would be gentle with her and help create an environment in our home that points her straight to Jesus.
To all those reading that have children or are trying to have children, I hope that you are praying for your children. I pray that you are preparing an environment in your home that will point them to the Father. I pray that if you are having a difficult time in your life, that you would allow the God to minister to your heart. If you are trying to have children and cannot, the Father knows your heart. Tell Him that you are frustrated, and just put it in His hands. I can't tell you why, but I do know someone that will listen to your heart. If your kids are driving you crazy, ask the Father to help you. I mean He created all of creation, I have to believe He knows how to do this parenting thing way better than us. If you are reading this, please pray for my family as we move into this next transition. After our little girl comes, I will try to write another post soon about how we are transitioning and how the Father has been working in our lives as we parent our growing family.
God bless you all!
-Aaron
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
21 Again, by T.Y.
This month, I turned 32. As I get older, I realize I have somewhat of a wealth of knowledge, or just a rolodex of trial-and-error experiences. Lately, I have been binge listening to the podcast, "Ask Pastor John (Piper)," in which people email questions to John Piper, and he answers them with sound, biblical wisdom. Questions vary from bible interpretation to practical living, dating to marriage, just a whole gambit of ideas. He dishes out his wisdom in lists, which are really easy to track and remember.
So in honor of my 32nd birthday and John Piper (more so John Piper), I would like to turn back the clocks to the top 5 things I would tell Christians in their early 20s, in order of importance.
1) Resolve to make your relationship with God the most important thing to you.
God is the epi-center of life, so everything starts and ends with Him. The most important thing you can do with your life is to rightfully place God on the throne of your heart, and prioritize everything else around Him. He has made us relational beings, to reflect His relational traits, so He does not desire mindless compliance, but rather a relationship and our affections. Though we may see God at times through the imperfect examples of parents, government, and other authorities in our life, the reality is God loves us more than we can even fathom or comprehend. I mean, He sees every thought, action, word uttered, and the very depths of your heart, yet He passionately loves you. [insert mind-blown emoji]
A couple practical ways to resolve to do this are 1) Bible reading and 2) prayer. To invest in a relationship, it takes time and intimacy; therefore, carve out the time and protect it to the glory of God. Also, try to read books like "Pursuit of God", "Knowledge of the Holy", "Desiring God", or any other book that really points your gaze to the Lord. If you carve out that time and prioritize it, you will see the fruit of your devotion.
2) Find a biblical, gospel-preaching church and serve faithfully in the area of ministry God has discernibly placed on your heart.
This is #2 because it is the best way to properly undergird #1, your relationship with the Lord. If you find yourself like me when I was 21, living in a city far from home, you will need the local church to serve as your family away from family. I have been at my current church for six years, and they have become the unexpected family I have come to depend on heavily, and vice versa. When I need godly counsel, someone to hang with, a babysitter, or virtually anything, I go no further than my church.
Take time to find the church the Lord leads you to, but make sure to land on one as soon as you feel the prompting of the Spirit. There is nothing wrong with preferences of style, such as preaching, music, and events, but look for churches that are doctrinally-sound and promotes the truth of the gospel every week. Preferences are good, but not the most important thing.
Please note that I am not just saying attend church, but in addition to attending, become a member (or whatever terminology they use) and serve faithfully. When looking for where to serve, shoot for a ministry or opportunity that falls in line with your passions and top spiritual gifts. If you are not sure what those are, you can try some out, serve where there is a need, or just find one of the most basic opportunities to get your feet wet. If the church has a small group/home church ministry, find a group that works for you and your schedule, and attend it.
Depending on the season, serving may be difficult, but if at all possible, serve in at least one ministry, but for the most part, just try to serve in one ministry. DO NOT SPREAD YOURSELF THIN SERVING ANY MULTIPLE MINISTRIES. NO BURN OUT!
3) Prayerfully consider how you will invest in the relationships around you ... then invest.
This point is super broad. When I say relationship, I mean all relationships: family, friends, colleagues, and dating/romantic relationships.
You may not have the best relationship with your family, but if at all possible, prayerfully consider what it would be like to invest in that relationship. Parents may want to talk to you, so what would it look like develop a rhythm or frequency to phone calls or video chat. You may want to do the same with a sibling or close friend from far away.
In your proximity, look for people who can be good, even close, friends. The church is a great place to find community like that, but it is not the only place. In fact, for the sake of evangelism, it is often good to have friendships outside of the church.
By way of romance and dating, my encouragement would be to prayerfully discern how the Lord would have you approach that area of your life in the current season. For instance, if you feel you "need" a mate, you should DEFINITELY take time to find your sufficiency in Christ because it may be unhealthy for you and someone else to pursue romance. If you recently broke up with someone, you should DEFINITELY take time to heal, process, and grieve from that past relationship before you pursue romance again. Ultimately, it's going to be hard to have a healthy relationship if you yourself are not healthy.
If God has put the desire of marriage on your heart as a single person or if you are married, I would strongly encourage you to pick up the "Meaning of Marriage" or "You and Me Forever" to begin to cultivate the framework and foundation of a vision for marriage. I am not against dating, but dating should be done through prayer, above reproach, with intentionality, and with godly counsel from community for the good of others and the glory of God.
4) Dream and think BIG about what you want to be and do for vocation and make plans to get there.
Disclaimer: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." (Prov. 19:21)
There is a disclaimer to this one and you need to take this with a grain of salt. Who you are can only be found in Christ, and what you do or want to do is also found in Christ. Strongly consider what you wish to do for a vocation, but remember to hold that vocation in its proper place, which is why it is #4 on a list of 5. Your vocation may take up a large amount of your time in life, but it is not your identity. Note that what you want to do will change over time, and you will try different things that you may fail at, but my encouragement is to dream with open palms for the direction God has for you.
I say dream BIG because God has uniquely made you with passions and desires that He intends for you to use to His glory, your good, and the good of others. So dream BIG! Consider the things you enjoy, the things you are passionate about, and the kind of work to which you can say, "I can't believe someone pays me to do this". If you find yourself with a couple different ideas, research them to grasp a deeper understanding of them.
Once you have gotten that idea(s), start making plans on how you may accomplish it. What education do you need? What are the financial obligations? What experiences or skills do you need to develop? Create milestones to break up the journey so you can see the progression. Remember that you are an ever-evolving being, and you may find yourself wanting to change gears to a different vocation or line of work in the middle. That's okay (and relatively common)!
Ultimately, a plan is better than no plan. Your future spouse and children, if God wills, will appreciate it. But please keep God and relationships at a higher priority over your aspirations.
5) Have fun.
Yes! Seriously! I put this last, not as an after-thought, but to continually beat the drum on how to properly prioritize life and to ensure that thrills, desires, and comforts do not usurp your focus from the first 4. Seriously, you need to have fun. As you get older, your time, capacity, and energy will decrease, and responsibility will increase. So while you still have time and energy, with low responsibility, please go have fun.
If you have the time and finances to do so, travel and experience new cultures and food. If you enjoy working out, sports, or running, go for it. Go on walks, read a book or two. Write. What you like to do for fun varies, but seriously, whatever it is go out and do those things to the glory of God, just remember not to neglect any of the prior 4.
Why? Rest and enjoyment is biblical. You will hear many messages from culture (and occasionally from the Church) about working yourself to death or making your comfort into a god. The reality is we need a balance of work and rest, both to the glory of God. Work is important and was there before the Fall of Man in Genesis 3, but do not neglect resting. "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep." (Psalm 127:2)
As I mentioned above, I learned these lessons from trial and error. I spent most of my life, subconsciously, making my ambitions the center of my universe. As a result, God did not have the prominent place in my heart until everything else failed me, when it all fell down. I put ambition over faithfully being part of a church. Ambition drove me to neglect my family and close relationships. I have missed substantial parts of my sister's kids' lives, and I am haunted by that truth. I even let the pursuit of ambition rob me of joy and relaxation only to burn myself out in the end.
This wisdom I give is wisdom I give out of folly, not prudence, but I hope that the hard lessons I learned may ensure fruitfulness for someone else. The truth is you reading this may fail at one of the five, maybe most of the five, but remember that Jesus died for your failure, idolatry, and folly. He paid it all so that you did not have to receive the just penalty for your shortcomings. He gives an unbelievable grace that the world could never offer. So live, and fail, and repeat, but once you have endured your 20s or 30s, look for how you can glorify God in this life and how others can benefit.
Sunday, March 17, 2019
Hungry, by Ryan
With Ash Wednesday being celebrated a few weeks ago (March 6 this year) kicking off the season of Lent (40 days before Easter excluding the Sabbath each week) reminds me of when Jesus went to the wilderness for 40 days to be tempted by Satan after His baptism and before beginning His ministry (Matthew 4:1-11). The passage records three ways that Satan tempts Christ and I would like to focus on the first one recorded in the Bible in this post.
Picture yourself on a rocky mountainside (see below) and you've gone days without food. The Evil One uses that still, small voice to whisper in your ear something like: "It's not a big deal, you have the ability and power to turn the stones you are walking on to a fresh, warm loaf of bread because I know you're hungry." I think the longest I've gone without eating is a little over 30 hours - I can't imagine going 40 days. Jesus spent 40 days of prayer and fasting before starting his ministry. Praise God that Jesus doesn't have the same response that most of us would have and give in to temptation and His physical desires.
Jesus responds to the Tempter by reciting the verse from Deuteronomy 8:3 (...man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord) because He knew that Satan was tempting Him by appealing to His physical need of eating. Jesus knew that if He gave in to Satan, He would not fulfill His purpose on Earth. If Christ didn't fulfill His purpose on Earth, none of us would be saved.
As we get closer to Easter, I want to encourage us to be mindful of what Christ did for us - saving us by suffering a brutal death and rising after three days. Keep in mind though that for Him to get there, he was tempted just as we are, sometimes by basic needs but also in the stillest and smallest voices. May we be hungry to grow closer to Jesus!
From dust we came and to dust we will return.
Picture yourself on a rocky mountainside (see below) and you've gone days without food. The Evil One uses that still, small voice to whisper in your ear something like: "It's not a big deal, you have the ability and power to turn the stones you are walking on to a fresh, warm loaf of bread because I know you're hungry." I think the longest I've gone without eating is a little over 30 hours - I can't imagine going 40 days. Jesus spent 40 days of prayer and fasting before starting his ministry. Praise God that Jesus doesn't have the same response that most of us would have and give in to temptation and His physical desires.
Jesus responds to the Tempter by reciting the verse from Deuteronomy 8:3 (...man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord) because He knew that Satan was tempting Him by appealing to His physical need of eating. Jesus knew that if He gave in to Satan, He would not fulfill His purpose on Earth. If Christ didn't fulfill His purpose on Earth, none of us would be saved.
As we get closer to Easter, I want to encourage us to be mindful of what Christ did for us - saving us by suffering a brutal death and rising after three days. Keep in mind though that for Him to get there, he was tempted just as we are, sometimes by basic needs but also in the stillest and smallest voices. May we be hungry to grow closer to Jesus!
From dust we came and to dust we will return.
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Pursuit, by Will
For over a year now the idea of pursuing something has been on my mind. I've thought about it in regards to relationships mostly, both human and spiritual, and I've come to two main conclusions: there are things that are worth pursuing, and those pursuits are going to be difficult.
About a year ago I started pursuing a girl. If I'm honest, this was the first time I have done this. My divorce had been finalized for months, my marriage had been over for years, and I found someone who had caught my eye. For a while I was interested, but then she wrote some stuff that really caught my attention and made me realize that I wanted to pursue her. Then the hard part began. I had to put myself out there by sending messages, I forgot to mention that within two weeks of deciding I wanted to pursue her she left the country for five months, but I began praying about it, and as I felt led I would reach out to her. When she got back, I waited a few weeks, then asked her to get coffee, and then I kept asking her to hang out.
It was scary, she could have said no after all, and it was new, again, I never really pursued anyone before and so this was all new territory for me. But I'd say it's going well. Now the thing I'm trying to remind myself of is that the pursuit isn't over, it's never over. I don't always do a good job of pursuing her, and that isn't where I want to be.
This past summer I felt like it was time to enter the next stage of my journey, the passion stage. When I first sat in my hammock, trying to process thoughts, my mind was blank. After a few months of reading, personal reflection, and mentoring, I began to realize that the passion stage is about a relationship with God, and chasing after deeper intimacy with Him. I haven't done the best job of this in the past few months.
When you start to pursue something that's really worth pursuing things come up to hinder you. My life has been nuts for the past six months. School has been insanely busy. I took four classes in the fall so that I could graduate in this spring, commencement is May 11 and I'm registered to graduate and my cap and gown are in the bag next to me. I thought that the fall was going to be my last crazy semester, but it wasn't. My current course is the most difficult class I've taken in 22 years of formal education. On top of that, I'm preparing to do an 8 week intensive independent study on the Minor Prophets in order to do some preliminary work on my PhD. School has been busy.
To top it all off, the legal issues have yet to be resolved. Some new things have popped up, all of them completely untrue and ungrounded, but they added several months of headaches, as well as several really inconvenient obligations that had to be done.
My life has been busy, yet I still feel the need to pursue these things that I believe are essential for me to go after. I don't want to make excuses for why I can't purse a deeper relationship with God, I want to sacrifice for that the way I've sacrificed for the human relationship I've pursued. I don't want to grow complacent, thinking that I'm ever done, but I want to continue to pursue more.
I want to cut out everything that I don't have to do in order to focus on pursuing what is best.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
About a year ago I started pursuing a girl. If I'm honest, this was the first time I have done this. My divorce had been finalized for months, my marriage had been over for years, and I found someone who had caught my eye. For a while I was interested, but then she wrote some stuff that really caught my attention and made me realize that I wanted to pursue her. Then the hard part began. I had to put myself out there by sending messages, I forgot to mention that within two weeks of deciding I wanted to pursue her she left the country for five months, but I began praying about it, and as I felt led I would reach out to her. When she got back, I waited a few weeks, then asked her to get coffee, and then I kept asking her to hang out.
It was scary, she could have said no after all, and it was new, again, I never really pursued anyone before and so this was all new territory for me. But I'd say it's going well. Now the thing I'm trying to remind myself of is that the pursuit isn't over, it's never over. I don't always do a good job of pursuing her, and that isn't where I want to be.
This past summer I felt like it was time to enter the next stage of my journey, the passion stage. When I first sat in my hammock, trying to process thoughts, my mind was blank. After a few months of reading, personal reflection, and mentoring, I began to realize that the passion stage is about a relationship with God, and chasing after deeper intimacy with Him. I haven't done the best job of this in the past few months.
When you start to pursue something that's really worth pursuing things come up to hinder you. My life has been nuts for the past six months. School has been insanely busy. I took four classes in the fall so that I could graduate in this spring, commencement is May 11 and I'm registered to graduate and my cap and gown are in the bag next to me. I thought that the fall was going to be my last crazy semester, but it wasn't. My current course is the most difficult class I've taken in 22 years of formal education. On top of that, I'm preparing to do an 8 week intensive independent study on the Minor Prophets in order to do some preliminary work on my PhD. School has been busy.
To top it all off, the legal issues have yet to be resolved. Some new things have popped up, all of them completely untrue and ungrounded, but they added several months of headaches, as well as several really inconvenient obligations that had to be done.
My life has been busy, yet I still feel the need to pursue these things that I believe are essential for me to go after. I don't want to make excuses for why I can't purse a deeper relationship with God, I want to sacrifice for that the way I've sacrificed for the human relationship I've pursued. I don't want to grow complacent, thinking that I'm ever done, but I want to continue to pursue more.
I want to cut out everything that I don't have to do in order to focus on pursuing what is best.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Monday, January 21, 2019
Yeah, Sometimes I'm Really Bad at This Parenting Thing!! by Aaron
My family and I traveled to our parents homes for the holidays this year. It's fun for the boys to see their grandparents; also great for my wife and I to catch up with our family. In November we had just returned home from seeing the grandparents. As usual, we end up packing half our house for only a three day trip; when we return home, we end up bringing back even more things. Generally I will go ahead and unpack the van, while my wife gets the boys settled in after a long car ride. After the van was unpacked and the boys were fed, my wife and I finally were able to sit on the couch and put our feet up after our long day. Unfortunately, our night was just getting started.
My youngest son was 10 months old at that time, and my oldest son was 4 years old. My youngest is just crawling and the boys love chasing each other around the house. After a long car ride, it's like all their energy has been bottled up for hours. So they let it all out once they get in the house and are able to stretch out. My wife and I were sitting on the couch chatting, while the boys were playing in the kitchen. When we're sitting in our house, for the most part we have a very good view of the kitchen and can see the boys very well. You must go through the kitchen to get to the basement in our house. The boys love going down to the basement because the play room is down their and they have way too many toys to play with down there. There is no door leading to the basement steps, so we put a baby get up that you have to swing to open. There is no way for the boys to open the gate unless it weren't shut by us. You can probably guess what I'm about to say next!
I had gone down the basement steps multiple times to put some of our luggage away and some of our clothes. I'm not sure how it was missed, I played through the scenario many times in my head. Unfortunately, that gate was not fully closed when I was finished putting our things away. As my wife and I were talking we had not noticed that our boys had made it over to the basement steps. I remember my oldest son yell out "hey mommy", and after that we heard our 10 month old rolling down a flight of 12 steps.
I've never seen my very pregnant wife run that fast in my life. She sprinted towards the stairs and I was running right behind her. That was probably the longest 5 seconds of my life. When our oldest son called out, my wife and I knew something was wrong. We looked at each other and we both knew that we had not checked the steps before we sat down to take a break. I think we were already running as he was rolling down the steps, we did not see him but we heard him hit the bottom. Our steps are not carpeted, they are wooden steps. After my son hit the ground, we immediately heard him start crying. I've honestly never been so happy to hear my son cry before. As we came down the steps, it was like a war zone. There was a decent amount of blood coming from his mouth and a lot on the floor. The baby was screaming, my wife was crying, my oldest son was freaking out as well. Just a very scary scene that will never leave my memory. My son had four teeth at the time, two on the top and bottom. As I checked him over, I could tell that one tooth on the bottom row was pushed very far forward. My wife and I cleaned him up and then packed the family back in the van and took him to Urgent Care.
The Urgent Care was about 30 minutes away, it was operated by the Children's Hospital near our town. I had so many thoughts running through my mind as I drove to the hospital. Does my son have a concussion? Will I be questioned by the police when we get to the hospital? Will my wife be mad at me for leaving that gate open? Just many thoughts in my head as I was rushing over to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital, the staff was very professional and brought our son back right away. Thankfully, the only damage my son had was his tooth and a swollen lip. My wife and I were so thankful!! We've taken my son to a pediatric dentist a few times since the fall. If you were to see my son smile at you today, he will have one crooked tooth on the bottom. But he would give you a big smile, for he survived a fall that could have been devastating.
My wife and I now check the gait at least three times an hour it seems like. We know that he could have had a lot more problems than just a messed up tooth. I also know that Christ is looking after my family. The Lord was with my wife and I as we were taking care of our son that night. Even though it was a tense situation, I just felt a lot of peace. I felt like God had control of the situation, and I was able to stay very calm for the most part. Some people may call it luck. If that was just luck, then I guess I'm just a really lucky guy. My wife and I know that the Father was protecting our son that. We don't call that luck, we call that faith.
Exodus 14:14 says "the Lord fights for you; you need only to be still". I've decided that throughout the rest of my life, I'm going to let God fight these battles. All these situations that come up and test us. Don't get me wrong, Kara and I could have easily avoided this situation. We took every precaution, we crossed all the T's and dotted every i after he fell down. The one thing that we didn't forget, was to include the Father. We silently prayed during our drive over to the hospital and continue to pray for our little boy. The Lord encouraged us the following days as we both felt very discouraged about parenting honestly. We feel like we are very blessed to come out with a healthy baby. I'm sure there are many stories similar to ours and probably a lot worse. So remember, the Lord fights for you. Even in those small situations, just let Him be a part of that situation. He wants to fight for you, so let Him. I've found that He ALWAYS wins, even if we don't like the outcome.
Have a blessed day!
-Aaron
My youngest son was 10 months old at that time, and my oldest son was 4 years old. My youngest is just crawling and the boys love chasing each other around the house. After a long car ride, it's like all their energy has been bottled up for hours. So they let it all out once they get in the house and are able to stretch out. My wife and I were sitting on the couch chatting, while the boys were playing in the kitchen. When we're sitting in our house, for the most part we have a very good view of the kitchen and can see the boys very well. You must go through the kitchen to get to the basement in our house. The boys love going down to the basement because the play room is down their and they have way too many toys to play with down there. There is no door leading to the basement steps, so we put a baby get up that you have to swing to open. There is no way for the boys to open the gate unless it weren't shut by us. You can probably guess what I'm about to say next!
I had gone down the basement steps multiple times to put some of our luggage away and some of our clothes. I'm not sure how it was missed, I played through the scenario many times in my head. Unfortunately, that gate was not fully closed when I was finished putting our things away. As my wife and I were talking we had not noticed that our boys had made it over to the basement steps. I remember my oldest son yell out "hey mommy", and after that we heard our 10 month old rolling down a flight of 12 steps.
I've never seen my very pregnant wife run that fast in my life. She sprinted towards the stairs and I was running right behind her. That was probably the longest 5 seconds of my life. When our oldest son called out, my wife and I knew something was wrong. We looked at each other and we both knew that we had not checked the steps before we sat down to take a break. I think we were already running as he was rolling down the steps, we did not see him but we heard him hit the bottom. Our steps are not carpeted, they are wooden steps. After my son hit the ground, we immediately heard him start crying. I've honestly never been so happy to hear my son cry before. As we came down the steps, it was like a war zone. There was a decent amount of blood coming from his mouth and a lot on the floor. The baby was screaming, my wife was crying, my oldest son was freaking out as well. Just a very scary scene that will never leave my memory. My son had four teeth at the time, two on the top and bottom. As I checked him over, I could tell that one tooth on the bottom row was pushed very far forward. My wife and I cleaned him up and then packed the family back in the van and took him to Urgent Care.
The Urgent Care was about 30 minutes away, it was operated by the Children's Hospital near our town. I had so many thoughts running through my mind as I drove to the hospital. Does my son have a concussion? Will I be questioned by the police when we get to the hospital? Will my wife be mad at me for leaving that gate open? Just many thoughts in my head as I was rushing over to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital, the staff was very professional and brought our son back right away. Thankfully, the only damage my son had was his tooth and a swollen lip. My wife and I were so thankful!! We've taken my son to a pediatric dentist a few times since the fall. If you were to see my son smile at you today, he will have one crooked tooth on the bottom. But he would give you a big smile, for he survived a fall that could have been devastating.
My wife and I now check the gait at least three times an hour it seems like. We know that he could have had a lot more problems than just a messed up tooth. I also know that Christ is looking after my family. The Lord was with my wife and I as we were taking care of our son that night. Even though it was a tense situation, I just felt a lot of peace. I felt like God had control of the situation, and I was able to stay very calm for the most part. Some people may call it luck. If that was just luck, then I guess I'm just a really lucky guy. My wife and I know that the Father was protecting our son that. We don't call that luck, we call that faith.
Exodus 14:14 says "the Lord fights for you; you need only to be still". I've decided that throughout the rest of my life, I'm going to let God fight these battles. All these situations that come up and test us. Don't get me wrong, Kara and I could have easily avoided this situation. We took every precaution, we crossed all the T's and dotted every i after he fell down. The one thing that we didn't forget, was to include the Father. We silently prayed during our drive over to the hospital and continue to pray for our little boy. The Lord encouraged us the following days as we both felt very discouraged about parenting honestly. We feel like we are very blessed to come out with a healthy baby. I'm sure there are many stories similar to ours and probably a lot worse. So remember, the Lord fights for you. Even in those small situations, just let Him be a part of that situation. He wants to fight for you, so let Him. I've found that He ALWAYS wins, even if we don't like the outcome.
Have a blessed day!
-Aaron
Sunday, January 13, 2019
BELLS, by Ryan
I've never been one to really make New Year's Resolutions - mostly due to the fact that I would set some unattainable or lofty goal (with good intentions to better myself) that I wouldn't end up being able to accomplish. I recently finished reading a book called Surprise the World! by Michael Frost. Frost talks about five habits of highly missional people that are practical and simple to incorporate in to our every day lives. The English word mission comes from the Latin word missio which means to send, be ejected, or pushed out. The book is a fairly quick read and I recommend reading, but I wanted to summarize the habits the writer presents:
1. Bless three people each week (at least one who is not a member of the church you attend). This looks like encouraging or giving words of affirmation to someone else, an act of kindness, and/or giving a gift.
2. Eat with three people each week (at least one who is not a member of the church you attend). Most of us eat 27 meals in a given week and Frost discusses how it's natural to build friendships and relationships at the table.
3. Listen to the Holy Spirit for a period of time each week. The author suggests to set a designated time each week and eliminate distractions. Quiet yourself and meditate on the Spirit.
4. Learn by spending a period of time during each week by studying the life of Jesus. The book says, "We need to know Him (Jesus) if we're going to share him as the reason for the hope we have."
5. Sent to alert others of God's reign. The author recommends journaling either daily or weekly how you have been missional. "It will be about helping you to sort through the myriad everyday ways you operate as God's ambassador in your world," Frost says.
Frost also writes in the book that fear and laziness are mission killers. Fear of persecution, standing out, offending, or getting questions we may not have the answer to; laziness referring to the inner voice that prompts us not to bother or reach out to another person.
Research suggests that it takes approximately 3 months for a new habit to be formed. My goal for 2019 and beyond is to implement these 5 habits to spread the love of Jesus.
Bless
Eat
Listen
Learn
Sent
1. Bless three people each week (at least one who is not a member of the church you attend). This looks like encouraging or giving words of affirmation to someone else, an act of kindness, and/or giving a gift.
2. Eat with three people each week (at least one who is not a member of the church you attend). Most of us eat 27 meals in a given week and Frost discusses how it's natural to build friendships and relationships at the table.
3. Listen to the Holy Spirit for a period of time each week. The author suggests to set a designated time each week and eliminate distractions. Quiet yourself and meditate on the Spirit.
4. Learn by spending a period of time during each week by studying the life of Jesus. The book says, "We need to know Him (Jesus) if we're going to share him as the reason for the hope we have."
5. Sent to alert others of God's reign. The author recommends journaling either daily or weekly how you have been missional. "It will be about helping you to sort through the myriad everyday ways you operate as God's ambassador in your world," Frost says.
Frost also writes in the book that fear and laziness are mission killers. Fear of persecution, standing out, offending, or getting questions we may not have the answer to; laziness referring to the inner voice that prompts us not to bother or reach out to another person.
Research suggests that it takes approximately 3 months for a new habit to be formed. My goal for 2019 and beyond is to implement these 5 habits to spread the love of Jesus.
Bless
Eat
Listen
Learn
Sent
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Word for this Season, by Will
Originally this post was titled "Word for the Year", but as I've been thinking about it for the past week that title really doesn't fit what's going on in my life. There have been times in the past where God has given me a specific word to focus on during a calendar year, and the various things I read, studied, experienced, and taught during that year all came back to that one word. It was something that happened continually for a while, but then something happened and I really didn't connect with God in that way.
A few years ago I began a journey as I began uncovering my God given identity. For three years that was the primary thing I was focused on, and pretty much everything I wrote and studied personally focused on that topic, something that started in March 2015 and continued until this past June at a ceremony. For two years I spent time alone in the woods, intentionally seeking vision from God, all of which served to confirm my identity and help me understand what claiming it entailed. I had the intention of doing another night in the woods in 2018, but things kept coming up, and I was never able to make it happen.
At first I was upset with myself for not making it more of a priority, but as I reflected, I really didn't have a sense to do one when I had the time, and once I felt the urgency to do one, the time wasn't there. I didn't get my over night vision quest with God this year, but I still felt like God had spoken to me and given me direction for the next stage of my journey.
For three years, I was fully focused on identity, on discovering it and owning it, and it is something I feel like I have a very firm grasp of. In early July 2018 I felt the need to get away from everything that was going on. I loaded my pack and heading for the woods. I felt that God was calling me to just escape and process some things, and so I headed to a nearby trail, having no real plan on where to go or what my mind was going to process. I got there, parked, and started walking, asking God where I should go. A little way down the trail He gave me a vision of a spot I knew well, and when I turned around to head to that spot I felt that the sense that I needed to take the scenic route there. I turned around and hiked almost three miles to a spot that was less than half a mile from the parking lot.
I set my hammock up and began to write as the sun began to slowly set over the lake I was by. I have four central themes that I am focused on, Identity, Passion, Destiny, and Community, and I began to do some processing of each one. I filled a couple index cards with what I had learned about Identity, the Scriptural foundation, the support verses, the key concepts I had learned over the past three years, and a bit of my own experience with them. Then I got to Passion, I managed to write down the foundation verse, but then I got stuck, not really sure what to do. I moved on to Destiny, being able to give a little more for this one, but still not the detail of Identity. Community wasn't fully on my radar at that point so it didn't get any attention.
When I looked over what I had written for Passion I really began to get frustrated. I didn't get it, didn't know how to explain it or really what it looked like, and I wasn't sure what to do because this was the next area I was supposed to focus on. At that moment, during my mini vision quest, that God revealed what my focus would be for this next season, Passion.
Since that evening by the lack a lot has happened, most of which I can't share publicly yet, but I realized that my focus of Passion was off. I had made it too small and in some ways too complicated. Over the final months of 2018, God began to help me see that Passion is about Him, and specifically my relationship with Him. I spent three years focused on Identity, on who God says I am, and now that that part of the journey is complete it's time to move onto the next phase, focusing on Passion, my personal relationship and connection with God.
The word for this season of my life is Passion. If the past three years are any indication this season may not end until the next decade, honestly I think it's going to be something that continues to develop and unfold for the rest of my life, but during this season it is going to be the primary focus of my study and prayer. God has been calling me to a deeper intimacy with Him, and that is what this stage is about. I know who I am, and now I need to come to a deeper understanding of and intimacy with the one who named me.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
A few years ago I began a journey as I began uncovering my God given identity. For three years that was the primary thing I was focused on, and pretty much everything I wrote and studied personally focused on that topic, something that started in March 2015 and continued until this past June at a ceremony. For two years I spent time alone in the woods, intentionally seeking vision from God, all of which served to confirm my identity and help me understand what claiming it entailed. I had the intention of doing another night in the woods in 2018, but things kept coming up, and I was never able to make it happen.
At first I was upset with myself for not making it more of a priority, but as I reflected, I really didn't have a sense to do one when I had the time, and once I felt the urgency to do one, the time wasn't there. I didn't get my over night vision quest with God this year, but I still felt like God had spoken to me and given me direction for the next stage of my journey.
For three years, I was fully focused on identity, on discovering it and owning it, and it is something I feel like I have a very firm grasp of. In early July 2018 I felt the need to get away from everything that was going on. I loaded my pack and heading for the woods. I felt that God was calling me to just escape and process some things, and so I headed to a nearby trail, having no real plan on where to go or what my mind was going to process. I got there, parked, and started walking, asking God where I should go. A little way down the trail He gave me a vision of a spot I knew well, and when I turned around to head to that spot I felt that the sense that I needed to take the scenic route there. I turned around and hiked almost three miles to a spot that was less than half a mile from the parking lot.
I set my hammock up and began to write as the sun began to slowly set over the lake I was by. I have four central themes that I am focused on, Identity, Passion, Destiny, and Community, and I began to do some processing of each one. I filled a couple index cards with what I had learned about Identity, the Scriptural foundation, the support verses, the key concepts I had learned over the past three years, and a bit of my own experience with them. Then I got to Passion, I managed to write down the foundation verse, but then I got stuck, not really sure what to do. I moved on to Destiny, being able to give a little more for this one, but still not the detail of Identity. Community wasn't fully on my radar at that point so it didn't get any attention.
When I looked over what I had written for Passion I really began to get frustrated. I didn't get it, didn't know how to explain it or really what it looked like, and I wasn't sure what to do because this was the next area I was supposed to focus on. At that moment, during my mini vision quest, that God revealed what my focus would be for this next season, Passion.
Since that evening by the lack a lot has happened, most of which I can't share publicly yet, but I realized that my focus of Passion was off. I had made it too small and in some ways too complicated. Over the final months of 2018, God began to help me see that Passion is about Him, and specifically my relationship with Him. I spent three years focused on Identity, on who God says I am, and now that that part of the journey is complete it's time to move onto the next phase, focusing on Passion, my personal relationship and connection with God.
The word for this season of my life is Passion. If the past three years are any indication this season may not end until the next decade, honestly I think it's going to be something that continues to develop and unfold for the rest of my life, but during this season it is going to be the primary focus of my study and prayer. God has been calling me to a deeper intimacy with Him, and that is what this stage is about. I know who I am, and now I need to come to a deeper understanding of and intimacy with the one who named me.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)