Turning 34, by Will

Another year has passed, and it's been the strangest year of my life. I'm a year older, and my wife made amazing tiramisu for my birthday. I haven't written in months, there's been a lot on my mind, but I've been very unmotivated. Everything going on has made it difficult to process anything because there has been so much to process. When I began thinking about 2020 back in 2013, it was supposed to be a year of change. I had started a job with great benefits, and the plan was to finish school and move on, getting back into a church. 

So much has changed since 2013, and 2020 brought about a change no one saw coming. The year started with CPE, which ended up being a really good experience. It pushed me and helped me grow in areas of my life, and I'm getting ready to start unit 2 of CPE this January. Completing my first CPE unit opened the door for me to be able to pursue a chaplain residency program, I applied, completed the interview, but had to withdraw from consideration. 

The reason for my withdrawal was the inability to take the pay cut due to the on going custody battle. I realized that I have had to fight my ex-wife in court longer than we were married. Still can't share much about it, but we should have an end date in sight (but I've thought that before, so just waiting to see at this point). I'm upset that this has been allowed to go on for so long. I'm upset that my girls are still caught in the middle of this. I'm upset that this has been allowed to impact my wife and new daughter in the way that it has. 

Throw into the on going drain of a custody battle a global pandemic and a presidential election with high emotions on both sides, and a lot of controversy surrounding the outcome. At 34, I realize that I'm tired. 

I'm tired of loosing irreplaceable time with my daughters as the legal process drags on. 

I'm tired of throwing away thousands of dollars in legal fees every year. 

I'm tired of wearing a mask. 

I'm tired of political corruption and career politicians who have forgotten what they were elected for. 

I'm tired of feeling worn out. 

This year of life has been draining, so much has been sucking the life out of me, but this year, I began to intentionally pursue something life giving. I've had the dream to thru hike the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, and Continental Divide Trail, and biking across the country on the TransAmerica Trail. My desire to travel over 12,000 miles by foot and bike led me to create Boots and Pedals, following my preparation and training until I get to complete these trails. Learning how to build a social media following has been a new thing for me, but my Instagram (bootsandpedals) and Facebook page (Boots and Pedals) have both grown, and I'm currently in the process of starting a website/blog to further share my journey. 

This past week, I realized that complete my AT thru hike is something I need to do soon. As I've been contemplating where my life is, and where it is going, it dawned on me that this hike is the key to getting my soul back. The logistics of doing this right now aren't clear to me, but I know I need to do this, and I believe that the opportunity is going to present itself within the next few years. 

34 doesn't look at all like I was expecting, planning anything has been hard, but if the next few months bring about the conclusion that they hopefully will, 35 will look different. 

Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11 

  TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!

A House Divided, by Will

I'm going to do my best to keep this from being a political post. This isn't a political blog and I don't want to take it there. The current atmospher of America is more chaotic and, if I'm being honest, slightly terrifying. I'm concerned about the future of my country. The answer is not found in the Democratic party, or in the Republican party. The two parties can't come together to do what is best for the American people they have been elected to serve, and it is bringing about the destruction of this nation. 

The central issue is that America is no longer united. There is so much division, more than I can remember in previous years, and as Jesus said in Matthew 12, "Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself will not stand."

 In 2011, Casting Crowns released their album, "Come to the Well". The second track, "City on a Hill", is one I've listened to a lot in the past several years, and below is an animated video clip with the song.

 

I've been to the city on a hill in Israel, it's a pile of ruins that tourists now walk around and take pictures of. Division leads to destruction, and no one is immune to it. No nation, no church, no organization, no group can survive when there is division.

 America needs to come together; we need to realize what the division is going to do to us as a country. No house divided against itself can stand; no one group is more important or essential to a city (or nation), but all are dependent upon each other. If we don't come together, we will end up like the city on a hill. 

We need to stand strong together, not demanding our own way and agenda, and even in writing that it's hard because my mind immediately goes to my own world view and beliefs and sees the counter viewpoint as wrong. This is not an easy task, overcoming division isn't easy because it means setting aside our own pride and desires to hear another. The more firm we become in our view, the more we refuse to listen and work together, the quicker the end will get here.

I am worried about the future of this country. I am worried about the world my daughters are going to grow up in. I don't want to see America bring about its own destruction. 

 Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11 

  TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!

You're Early Little One, by Will

On October 18, 2019, I was sitting in my chair in our living room when I heard my wife of just under a month get up and go into the bathroom. A few minutes later, the reaction I heard told me the result of the pregnancy test she had taken. A baby was not in our plans for the first year of marriage, but God really does have a great sense of humor. The first doctor she went to gave us a due date of June 20, 2020, but much like her mother, Raya Revere does her own thing.

On Friday, June 5, I was wrapping up the day at work when I got a call from my wife, "Hi, my water broke." That was not the phone call I was expecting, we had just hit 38 weeks, and there were things we still needed to do. I went home, helped my wife get situated, and we began monitoring contractions while keeping the midwife informed. The plan was to do a home birth, and around 1:30 am on Saturday the midwife arrived. Things were moving slowly, but everything was going smoothly. Around 10:15 I was sent out to get an exercise ball to try and help the process, and while I was gone, my wife called and said we were going to the hospital.

When we arrived, my wife was at 9.5 centimetres, and within an hour she had delivered, completely naturally, but we didn't get to hold Raya. They began working on her, like they always do when a baby is born, but then they took her out of the room. After about an hour, a doctor came in and told us that she was really sick. During labor, the placenta had torn and in addition to swallowing blood, the bleeding had put stress on Raya and deprived her of oxygen. The doctor told us that the only treatment was to do a 72 hour cooling process that was only available at the main campus of the Cleveland Clinic. This treatment would slow her metabolism and allow her brain and organs to recover. They brought her into the room in the transport cart, and for the first time we got to see our baby girl. She had a breathing tube secured to her face by tape and she was wrapped in some hi-tec bubble wrap that would begin the cooling process.

For 72 hours they lowered her body temperature to 33.5 centigrade, then gradually warmed her back up to normal. While she lay there on the cooling blanket we couldn't hold her, were very limited in being able to even touch her because our body heat could interfere with the treatment. I sat with her at night, and she would grab my finger in her tiny hand. My wife with sit with her during the day, both of us taking in the the numerous wires, tubes, and sensors covering our days old baby girl.

It wasn't until five days after she was born that we were able to hold her, and at that moment I never wanted to set her down. They initially told us that best case she'd be in the NICU for 12 days, we left on day 8.

It's the end of June, really not sure where this month has gone. I haven't slept in a bed since the beginning of the month, making do on small couches in the waiting room when the nurses allowed it, then spending nights in the anti-gravity chair in the Spiritual Care office (we ended up in the same hospital where I had done my CPE unit so the director of Spiritual Care helped me out), and on our couch at home as we rotate nights with Raya duty so one of us can try to sleep (even with this I haven't slept through the night in a month). But we're home, Raya is growing, gaining about 1.5 ounces a day (.5 ounces is what they want). She's alert, taking in faces, her neck is getting stronger as she does her tummy time, and we have our daddy/daughter song.

Raya's name comes from Malachi 4.2, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves." (NIV). Raya Revere was born on the 66th anniversary of the D-Day invasion, and began a fight for her life. When the doctor first told us the news and left the room, we prayed and I began listening to the song "King of my Heart." So many people prayed for Raya, hundreds of people I don't know and have never met prayed for my baby girl. Raya is home, God brought healing in her life, and we are waiting anxiously to see the healing He brings through her life.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!