On December 26th, 2017 the Lord gave my wife and I a very special gift. Our second child Dontre was born the day after Christmas. Most of the time I am a very non-emotional person, except when I’m in the presence of the Lord, but when Dontre was born the flood gates seemed to open. As the nurses were cleaning up Dontre and the doctor was checking him out I was literally sitting in the corner of the room trying my best to hold in my emotions. All at once all these emotions just hit me; happiness, joy, fear, delight, anxiousness, and a sense of great pride for my boy.
The first time I held Dontre, I felt the presence of the Lord fill the room. I feel like the Lord was saying, you are not going to be alone through this process. As my wife and I trust the Lord to guide us through this next chapter in life, joy begins to fill our hearts with an unexplainable sense that there is no way we can fail. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit, Romans 15:13. Joy and peace will fill your heart if you TRUST him throughout all things, especially with raising children.
Let’s be honest, the second thing that came to mind as I was holding him was, what in the world were Kara (my wife) and I thinking?!! I am still learning how to raise my first son, now I have to raise two at the same time? I think God has a funny sense of humor; He definitely gives us the strength to raise these kids. I also think He has to be sitting up on his throne with a huge smirk on His face when our kids are screaming at the top of their lungs at two O’clock in the morning because they had an accident. Those are the times when I pray to the Father, why did you make bowel movements smell so bad??
Marriage got real for my wife and I when we had our first child. We didn’t realize how different we were raised until a screaming baby came into the picture. Luckily we were both on the same page with disciplining children. But when Jacoby (our first son) cried in the middle of the night, after three nights I was ready to let him cry it out and Kara was not. I won’t really go into that because I could write a separate post about that, but simple differences like that started to appear. With much conversation with each other and prayer we were able to adjust to those differences somewhat easily, but it took some time for both of us to get pride out of the picture.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, Philippians 2:3. Initially I wanted to control the situation my way, rather than our way. Finally, once I was able put my wife’s opinion above my selfishness and pride, we were able to finally make smart decisions about raising our son. It seems like déjà vu since we have another little one in our home again. When we both are losing sleep, we must pray (a lot) that we are able to keep our emotion in check.
We can already tell that Dontre is going to be different than Jacoby. Jacoby was a very relaxed child. He rarely cried throughout the day, unless he was hungry. He rarely cried when we changed his diaper, nor did her cry when he was wet or had an accident. Jacoby also really enjoyed bath time. Dontre is pretty much the complete opposite. Dontre cries the whole time when we change his clothes or diapers. Dontre hates bath time and basically unless he is sleeping or eating he usually is wining or crying. Since he was born only a couple days ago, the only thing he does is sleep, so as he starts waking up, we are praying he relaxes more.
It is funny to me how different I can already tell my two boys are in just a few days. These boys have the same genes, same bloodline, same parents, but completely different individuals. I’m very excited to raise these two boys, and pray that all who read this would say a prayer for my family. I think I might have gotten 15 hours of sleep in the past 4 days, so I’m probably slap happy at this point in time. I’m grateful that God has given me this chance to be a part of their lives. I’m grateful that Dontre is a member of this crazy family.
God is such an amazing person, I pray for all parents that they are able to find God in their children. Find what God is doing in your community and in your life. First join the Father in what He is doing. Second tell your children about the Father and take them along as you join the Fathers work. Let them join you, so that your children can recognize the work of the father for themselves. It is important that they recognize His work, so that they will join His work when we aren’t around. Let’s pray for this next generation to do some amazing work for the Lord.
Have a blessed New year!!
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Just Make it to the Next Meal, by Will
I recently "read" four audio books by former Navy SEALs: No Easy Day and No Hero by Mark Owen, the pseudonym for one of the Navy SEALs who served in Operation Neptune Spear, the raid that killed Osama bin Laden. American Sniper by Chris Kyle, and Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. I've come to the conclusion that the word "respect" is not strong enough to capture what these men deserve from the rest of us, and feel like we need to create a new word that captures what they are owed for what they do for the American people.
In each of these books, each SEAL spends some time reflecting on his time in SEAL training, and in the case of Owen, the selection process for DEVGRU. One of the things that has really stood out to me is the mentality of each man. SEAL training sucks, a lot, and that's a huge understatement. For a while I wanted to be a SEAL, part of me still does, but the reality is I would have no chance at this point in my life. I've read several books by SEALs, and each one brings up some new feat they accomplished in training, or on a mission, and my mind is blown by what they do. Not only have I realized how tough it is, but also how tough these guys are.
Perhaps the most grueling part of SEAL training is Hell Week, and in each of these books the same mentality has been shared on how to make it through the week, "Just make it to the next meal." Each author says that during Hell Week you get fed every 6 hours, on the hour. You endure 6 hours of constant movement, soaking wet and covered in sand, all on a total of 3-4 hours of sleep for the whole week, but at the end of 6 hours you get a brief chance to eat, and the secret used by those who make it through is consistently to focus on just making it to the next meal. Understatement of the year, Hell Week sucks (and I haven't even been through it, the closest I've come was a 9 day SEAL wrestling camp at the Naval Academy more than a decade ago), but if those who endeavor to complete it were to focus on the total amount of suckage, it would be overwhelming, and much more difficult than it already is. By breaking the week down into six hour increments, the week is broken down into more manageable segments.
It's easy to look at life as one big overwhelming whole. It's easy to worry about every minor detail to the point where the stress is debilitating. Scaling it back, it's easy to look at one year, even one week, as a whole and just be beaten by the seemingly impossible amount of stuff that has to be done. I've found in my own life when I take that view, particularly with school, I end up procrastinating, and having a really hectic and stressful few days right before the deadline. I loath those days, but if I'm honest, I bring them on myself.
This past year flipped my life upside down. I'm now facing some big decisions about my future, that aren't really that far away. The thought of things I need to look into, people I need to reach out to, a thesis topic I need to begin working on (yes, two years before I'm planning on starting the program), the book I'm wanting to write, and all of the other day to day responsibilities, and my mind doesn't even know where to begin, and when that happens, I tend to simply sit and watch stupid videos on YouTube. The reality of life is so overwhelming that I give up on living it, and simply hope to get by based on giftedness and learning how to work within the system. I want to end this cycle as I move into the next year.
I'm not one to make new years resolutions, and this isn't going to be one, but I want to begin looking at life with a Hell Week mindset, just make it to the next meal. One internet research session at a time. One phone call/email at a time. One discussion board post/book critique/research paper/test at a time. One conversation at a time. One planning/dreaming/vision casting moment at a time. In between one thing and the next, everything can change, all of that is outside of my control. One phone call can close a door, which means I need to reevaluate, so I need to focus on simply getting through that phone call, and then going on afterwards. Just make it to the next meal. That's how SEALs are made; that's how life gets done.
Jesus said, in Matthew 6.25-34:
"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Don't worry about next week, just make it to the next meal.
James 4:13-15 says, "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.' Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.'"
Don't focus on a year from now, just make it to the next meal.
I'm not saying don't have a plan; I'm not saying don't dream. I'm saying focus on the journey, not the destination. The goal matters because it helps you stay focused, SEALs have the goal of becoming SEALs so they get through Hell Week, but the goal isn't the point. See my post called "The Journey" from August 5, 2017 ( href="http://proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-journey-by-will.html"). In my own life, I want to begin to focus on just making it to the next meal. I don't want to focus on the stress of everything that lies a head, and procrastinate to the point where I hate what I'm doing. I don't want to plan for a future where something changes everything, and I'm devastated when I'm left with a bunch of shattered pieces.
Make it to the next meal, and go from there.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
In each of these books, each SEAL spends some time reflecting on his time in SEAL training, and in the case of Owen, the selection process for DEVGRU. One of the things that has really stood out to me is the mentality of each man. SEAL training sucks, a lot, and that's a huge understatement. For a while I wanted to be a SEAL, part of me still does, but the reality is I would have no chance at this point in my life. I've read several books by SEALs, and each one brings up some new feat they accomplished in training, or on a mission, and my mind is blown by what they do. Not only have I realized how tough it is, but also how tough these guys are.
Perhaps the most grueling part of SEAL training is Hell Week, and in each of these books the same mentality has been shared on how to make it through the week, "Just make it to the next meal." Each author says that during Hell Week you get fed every 6 hours, on the hour. You endure 6 hours of constant movement, soaking wet and covered in sand, all on a total of 3-4 hours of sleep for the whole week, but at the end of 6 hours you get a brief chance to eat, and the secret used by those who make it through is consistently to focus on just making it to the next meal. Understatement of the year, Hell Week sucks (and I haven't even been through it, the closest I've come was a 9 day SEAL wrestling camp at the Naval Academy more than a decade ago), but if those who endeavor to complete it were to focus on the total amount of suckage, it would be overwhelming, and much more difficult than it already is. By breaking the week down into six hour increments, the week is broken down into more manageable segments.
It's easy to look at life as one big overwhelming whole. It's easy to worry about every minor detail to the point where the stress is debilitating. Scaling it back, it's easy to look at one year, even one week, as a whole and just be beaten by the seemingly impossible amount of stuff that has to be done. I've found in my own life when I take that view, particularly with school, I end up procrastinating, and having a really hectic and stressful few days right before the deadline. I loath those days, but if I'm honest, I bring them on myself.
This past year flipped my life upside down. I'm now facing some big decisions about my future, that aren't really that far away. The thought of things I need to look into, people I need to reach out to, a thesis topic I need to begin working on (yes, two years before I'm planning on starting the program), the book I'm wanting to write, and all of the other day to day responsibilities, and my mind doesn't even know where to begin, and when that happens, I tend to simply sit and watch stupid videos on YouTube. The reality of life is so overwhelming that I give up on living it, and simply hope to get by based on giftedness and learning how to work within the system. I want to end this cycle as I move into the next year.
I'm not one to make new years resolutions, and this isn't going to be one, but I want to begin looking at life with a Hell Week mindset, just make it to the next meal. One internet research session at a time. One phone call/email at a time. One discussion board post/book critique/research paper/test at a time. One conversation at a time. One planning/dreaming/vision casting moment at a time. In between one thing and the next, everything can change, all of that is outside of my control. One phone call can close a door, which means I need to reevaluate, so I need to focus on simply getting through that phone call, and then going on afterwards. Just make it to the next meal. That's how SEALs are made; that's how life gets done.
Jesus said, in Matthew 6.25-34:
"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Don't worry about next week, just make it to the next meal.
James 4:13-15 says, "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.' Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.'"
Don't focus on a year from now, just make it to the next meal.
I'm not saying don't have a plan; I'm not saying don't dream. I'm saying focus on the journey, not the destination. The goal matters because it helps you stay focused, SEALs have the goal of becoming SEALs so they get through Hell Week, but the goal isn't the point. See my post called "The Journey" from August 5, 2017 ( href="http://proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-journey-by-will.html"). In my own life, I want to begin to focus on just making it to the next meal. I don't want to focus on the stress of everything that lies a head, and procrastinate to the point where I hate what I'm doing. I don't want to plan for a future where something changes everything, and I'm devastated when I'm left with a bunch of shattered pieces.
Make it to the next meal, and go from there.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Pregame: Getting ready for baby #2, by Aaron
So today is the due date of my second son (12/18/17). My wife is currently relaxing at home, with no current activity. We are just playing the waiting game for the next couple of days. Throughout this process, I found out that my wife is probably one of the most organized people I have ever known. Last week my wife and her mother made almost 20 freezer meals for when the baby comes. The baby has a packed bag with multiple clothes, diapers, and blankets. My wife has her own bag that is filled to the brim with multiple necessities. My oldest son has a bag packed, so that when things start moving along he will be ready to head to grandma’s house. The only person without a packed bag is myself. Let’s be honest, I’m perfectly fine with wearing the same pair of sweat pants and a hoody for three days.
The nursery has been finished for the past 3 or 4 weeks, with multiple baby swings and a cozy crib waiting on the baby. We brought the rocking chair over from my oldest son’s room. The current nursery used to be my office, which is now on the bottom level. A couple of my friends helped me move some heavy furniture to the bottom level of my home. My wife did some deep cleaning of the office before we put the nursery furniture in the room. So needless to say we have been pretty busy getting everything ready for our new family member.
The important piece that I feel the Holy Spirit has really spoken to me about is to make sure I am praying for the newborn baby. I started praying for this baby when I first found out we were pregnant, same with my oldest son. Honestly more important than a new crib, rocking chair, cleaning the nursery, baby clothes, or painting the nursery was to prep spiritually for the baby. I mean hardcore spiritual warfare for my son. I’m sure every generation says the same thing that we are saying now, but our next generations (plural) need some spiritual covering from their parents and grandparents to get through the trials and tribulations that are to come in the future.
My prayer for both of my children is that they would be warriors for the Father. I pray that this next generation will not be afraid to stand up to authority on earth, and ask questions such as why are we taking Christ out of Christmas? Why are we trying to take In God We Trust off our coins? Why can’t we say the name of the Lord in school? My prayer is that my boys will not be afraid of what man will do to them, because they know that they will have rewards waiting on them in heaven. My prayer is that they will fight for their heavenly Father. My prayer is that as a father, I will assist in guiding them on a path of righteousness, but only with the help of the Holy Spirit.
So as we pregame for our second son, we ask that all of those that read this post will send a prayer for us as well. Pray for quick healing for my wife and son. I am so excited for this next chapter to start, but I am very nervous as well. Since my first son was born, I have learned many things. Mostly that I thought I was a patient person. I think God was laughing at me, because after my first son was born, I found my level of patience is basically nothing. That is another post for another day. I plan to write a postgame blog as well so stay tuned. If you are a parent, I just want to encourage you to keep praying for your children. Keep them covered spiritually, because each day the devil is whispering in our children’s ears. The devil hates everyone and everything, especially those that love the heavenly Father. We have to go to war for our kids and for our Father in heaven. So keep on fighting for our kids.
God bless!
The nursery has been finished for the past 3 or 4 weeks, with multiple baby swings and a cozy crib waiting on the baby. We brought the rocking chair over from my oldest son’s room. The current nursery used to be my office, which is now on the bottom level. A couple of my friends helped me move some heavy furniture to the bottom level of my home. My wife did some deep cleaning of the office before we put the nursery furniture in the room. So needless to say we have been pretty busy getting everything ready for our new family member.
The important piece that I feel the Holy Spirit has really spoken to me about is to make sure I am praying for the newborn baby. I started praying for this baby when I first found out we were pregnant, same with my oldest son. Honestly more important than a new crib, rocking chair, cleaning the nursery, baby clothes, or painting the nursery was to prep spiritually for the baby. I mean hardcore spiritual warfare for my son. I’m sure every generation says the same thing that we are saying now, but our next generations (plural) need some spiritual covering from their parents and grandparents to get through the trials and tribulations that are to come in the future.
My prayer for both of my children is that they would be warriors for the Father. I pray that this next generation will not be afraid to stand up to authority on earth, and ask questions such as why are we taking Christ out of Christmas? Why are we trying to take In God We Trust off our coins? Why can’t we say the name of the Lord in school? My prayer is that my boys will not be afraid of what man will do to them, because they know that they will have rewards waiting on them in heaven. My prayer is that they will fight for their heavenly Father. My prayer is that as a father, I will assist in guiding them on a path of righteousness, but only with the help of the Holy Spirit.
So as we pregame for our second son, we ask that all of those that read this post will send a prayer for us as well. Pray for quick healing for my wife and son. I am so excited for this next chapter to start, but I am very nervous as well. Since my first son was born, I have learned many things. Mostly that I thought I was a patient person. I think God was laughing at me, because after my first son was born, I found my level of patience is basically nothing. That is another post for another day. I plan to write a postgame blog as well so stay tuned. If you are a parent, I just want to encourage you to keep praying for your children. Keep them covered spiritually, because each day the devil is whispering in our children’s ears. The devil hates everyone and everything, especially those that love the heavenly Father. We have to go to war for our kids and for our Father in heaven. So keep on fighting for our kids.
God bless!
Sunday, December 17, 2017
Girls, by Will
For a long time, I've wanted a son; I think every guy does. Then I read a couple of books by John Eldredge, and my desire for a son became even greater. The more I learned about masculinity, and the stages God created a man to go through, I've wanted a boy to guide through this journey. I've always thought that having a son would help me better understand the love of God for me. On October 23, 2013, I found out I was going to have a daughter, and on November 5, 2015, I found out I was going to have another daughter. I have never been so happy that God didn't answer a prayer.
Girls are different than boys. I've had to learn how to paint nails (their's not mine, although my three year old has asked me more than once if she can paint mine), and I'm getting used to dress up clothes and baby dolls. I've never said "You're so beautiful" so much, and I've realized that being able to do different hair styles is a skill I'll have to acquire. Having girls has been good for me.
These two little girls have had me wrapped around their fingers since the day they were born. I love my girls so much, and I am so glad God gave me daughters. They are my princesses, I call my oldest "Belle" and my youngest "Cinderella". My oldest loves Belle, she was Belle for Halloween, and now all she wants to wear is her Belle dress, with matching socks (this is a must). When my youngest was learning to walk, she would always lose one shoe, just one, and so the nickname took. She's getting a Cinderella dress for Christmas. (In all future posts I'll refer to my girls by these nicknames) If you think about these princesses, they never had it easy. They overcome adversity through courage, kindness, and endurance. These are the lessons and qualities I want to instill in my girls. I want them to have courage, to face the things that scare them and take risks. I want them to be kind, with a caring and compassionate nature that is willing to serve. I want them to have resilient grit, that will stay focused on a goal, and pursue it even when it gets hard.
I've talked about initiation, knowing your true name, the need for brothers, battle, and healing, and it's easy for me to get caught up in the ministry with my brothers, and focus on helping them invest in their sons, doing what our dads never did for us. But all the time that I do this, I'm reminded that I have two girls, and they need the same foundation.
Everything that our group is focused on is about us becoming the men God created us to be. Eldgredge points out that a man's greatest characteristic is his strength, that God made a man to be strong, and that the main purpose of masculine initiation is for a man to find his strength so that he can offer it to others. As I continue to reflect back on my failed marriage, one question that keeps popping up is "what role did I play in the issue?" To sum up the answer that I've come up with, it was a failure of my strength. I didn't understand it, didn't ever realize I needed to find it, had nothing to offer, or rather didn't realize what I had to offer, and failed to come through when I was needed because I didn't know that I could and so I fell back into passivity.
That is all changing, the divorce process caused me to wake up to the things I needed to do in my own life, and I can honestly say that I have seen the truth of Romans 8.28-30 begin to play out. I have started to see how God can make all things work out for good in the process of transforming us into Christlikeness. And in this process of transformation, I've started to realize not simply who I am, but also what I'm able to offer. I've grown in confidence, and in patience, and I think I've started to figure out how to offer my girls what they need from me as their daddy.
Being a full time dad with only part time access to your kids makes this more of a challenge, but I'm not off the hook, and I'm not taking this calling lightly. I'm working to bond with my girls as much as possible, they're already daddy's girls, but I'm trying to do things with them that will help to establish the traits of courage, kindness, and grit, all while helping them know how beautiful and valued they are in the eyes of both their fathers, earthly and heavenly, because if I mess this up, their whole view of God will be twisted.
I'm in no way an expert, and do not claim to be, but for those of you with girls, or girls on the way, who read this and wonder what to do for a daughter, here are some of the things I'm working on:
Before each of my girls were born I bought them a gift that they will receive from me on their thirteenth birthday (that's all you get right now, more details in 2027 and 2029). It's something that will show them a glimpse of what they mean to me, and how precious and valued they are. Our fellowship has talked about ceremonies for the sons, and I've been thinking about how to do something similar for each of my girls. In the book Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You by Stasi Eldredge (John's wife), she describes a ceremony of validation that I am working to be able to give to both of my girls. I'm also hoping to one day take them to a ball, because every girl deserves to go to a ball, and so I'm also trying to work out this plan.
I have a daddy/daughters play list that we listen to during bath time and before bed. Right now their are six songs on it: 1) Live Like You're Loved, by Mark Schultz; 2) I'll Be Your Man, by Zac Brown Band; 3) Safe and Sound, by Matthew West; 4) Cinderella, by Steven Curtis Chapman; 5) I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack; and 6) My Little Girl, by Tim McGraw. These all point to their value, the love and protection of their daddy, their dreams, and what they can accomplish. These are the foundations I want them to know, that they are loved deeply by God and their daddy, that daddy is always going to be there for them, that they can do anything they are willing to work for, and that risks and chances are worth taking, and no matter what, they will always be my little girls.
I'm working to instill a love of hiking in my girls. I'm trying to teach them about all of the cool gear you get to buy (I repeatedly blame Jeremy for this one, I've lost track of how much he's cost me by getting me really into hiking/backpacking), and how to dress in layers. In this, I'm hoping they learn to love the simple things, and learn that it's ok to take time for yourself, escape, and be alone with God in nature.
I'm trying to teach them who God is, and how to pray. We've been reading from the kids Bible Belle got at her dedication, and I'm trying to explain what these stories mean (getting a 3 and 1 year old to understand the consequences of original sin is super fantastic), and in this I'm hoping they learn how to have a personal relationship with God.
I'm constantly offering affirmation to them. I'm always telling them how much they are loved. I'm always telling them how beautiful they are. I'm always reaffirming their skills, and encouraging them to keep trying.
All of that sounds like it should be so common sense, so simple that every dad should do it. Sadly that isn't the case. It's because dad's have failed at being daddy, satisfied to simply be a father, that women feel the constant pressure to conform, look a certain way, or give themselves away. The world has brutalized femininity, because dad's have refused to offer their strength to their girls, or perhaps more accurately, have never discovered the strength they have to offer to them, and have left them to find their worth and value from people and places that have nothing true to offer. I'm not a perfect dad, as much as I'd like to be for my girls, I'm not. I hope nothing that I have said comes across as arrogant boasting, I simply know that my mind was never geared towards what a daughter would need until I had them, and if I can help another dad out I want to. I know there are countless things I could do better at, but I'm just hoping that what I give them is what they need, and that I'm able to give them a sense of their true beauty, worth, and a knowledge of who God is.
Men, your girls need you. They need you to be a man for them. Your girls need you to know who you are so that you can offer them what they need. Just as a son needs an identity, a name, so do daughters. Just as a son needs a foundation and affirmation of his masculinity, so do daughters. The process of masculine initiation is not simply for those with sons, but for all men, because the world needs the strength of men. Sons, both your own, or those who have no daddy to father them and initiate them, need a true man to lead them. Daughters, again both yours and those with no daddy, need a true man to offer validation and help them know the beauty they posses. That is what a man is called to offer.
Your initiation is not simply for you, but for others. God has given you a strength, it is up to you to discover it, and it is your responsibility to offer it. I don't have a son of my own to invest in, God has given me girls, but they need me just as much, and I will be there for them, no matter what it takes. I will offer them all that I can, so that when the world tries to tear them down, the comments have no impact because they have heard the truth from me.
I'm getting a little angry as I'm typing all of this, I hate that there are women, somebodies daughters, that didn't get this from their dads, and I hate what they have put themselves through, or been put through, because of it. I need to stop writing so I don't start ranting.
Men, God has given you a strength that this world desperately needs. The sons and daughters of this world that have no daddy need YOU. God has given you a strength so that you can do something about it. Find your strength, and offer it.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Girls are different than boys. I've had to learn how to paint nails (their's not mine, although my three year old has asked me more than once if she can paint mine), and I'm getting used to dress up clothes and baby dolls. I've never said "You're so beautiful" so much, and I've realized that being able to do different hair styles is a skill I'll have to acquire. Having girls has been good for me.
These two little girls have had me wrapped around their fingers since the day they were born. I love my girls so much, and I am so glad God gave me daughters. They are my princesses, I call my oldest "Belle" and my youngest "Cinderella". My oldest loves Belle, she was Belle for Halloween, and now all she wants to wear is her Belle dress, with matching socks (this is a must). When my youngest was learning to walk, she would always lose one shoe, just one, and so the nickname took. She's getting a Cinderella dress for Christmas. (In all future posts I'll refer to my girls by these nicknames) If you think about these princesses, they never had it easy. They overcome adversity through courage, kindness, and endurance. These are the lessons and qualities I want to instill in my girls. I want them to have courage, to face the things that scare them and take risks. I want them to be kind, with a caring and compassionate nature that is willing to serve. I want them to have resilient grit, that will stay focused on a goal, and pursue it even when it gets hard.
I've talked about initiation, knowing your true name, the need for brothers, battle, and healing, and it's easy for me to get caught up in the ministry with my brothers, and focus on helping them invest in their sons, doing what our dads never did for us. But all the time that I do this, I'm reminded that I have two girls, and they need the same foundation.
Everything that our group is focused on is about us becoming the men God created us to be. Eldgredge points out that a man's greatest characteristic is his strength, that God made a man to be strong, and that the main purpose of masculine initiation is for a man to find his strength so that he can offer it to others. As I continue to reflect back on my failed marriage, one question that keeps popping up is "what role did I play in the issue?" To sum up the answer that I've come up with, it was a failure of my strength. I didn't understand it, didn't ever realize I needed to find it, had nothing to offer, or rather didn't realize what I had to offer, and failed to come through when I was needed because I didn't know that I could and so I fell back into passivity.
That is all changing, the divorce process caused me to wake up to the things I needed to do in my own life, and I can honestly say that I have seen the truth of Romans 8.28-30 begin to play out. I have started to see how God can make all things work out for good in the process of transforming us into Christlikeness. And in this process of transformation, I've started to realize not simply who I am, but also what I'm able to offer. I've grown in confidence, and in patience, and I think I've started to figure out how to offer my girls what they need from me as their daddy.
Being a full time dad with only part time access to your kids makes this more of a challenge, but I'm not off the hook, and I'm not taking this calling lightly. I'm working to bond with my girls as much as possible, they're already daddy's girls, but I'm trying to do things with them that will help to establish the traits of courage, kindness, and grit, all while helping them know how beautiful and valued they are in the eyes of both their fathers, earthly and heavenly, because if I mess this up, their whole view of God will be twisted.
I'm in no way an expert, and do not claim to be, but for those of you with girls, or girls on the way, who read this and wonder what to do for a daughter, here are some of the things I'm working on:
Before each of my girls were born I bought them a gift that they will receive from me on their thirteenth birthday (that's all you get right now, more details in 2027 and 2029). It's something that will show them a glimpse of what they mean to me, and how precious and valued they are. Our fellowship has talked about ceremonies for the sons, and I've been thinking about how to do something similar for each of my girls. In the book Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You by Stasi Eldredge (John's wife), she describes a ceremony of validation that I am working to be able to give to both of my girls. I'm also hoping to one day take them to a ball, because every girl deserves to go to a ball, and so I'm also trying to work out this plan.
I have a daddy/daughters play list that we listen to during bath time and before bed. Right now their are six songs on it: 1) Live Like You're Loved, by Mark Schultz; 2) I'll Be Your Man, by Zac Brown Band; 3) Safe and Sound, by Matthew West; 4) Cinderella, by Steven Curtis Chapman; 5) I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack; and 6) My Little Girl, by Tim McGraw. These all point to their value, the love and protection of their daddy, their dreams, and what they can accomplish. These are the foundations I want them to know, that they are loved deeply by God and their daddy, that daddy is always going to be there for them, that they can do anything they are willing to work for, and that risks and chances are worth taking, and no matter what, they will always be my little girls.
I'm working to instill a love of hiking in my girls. I'm trying to teach them about all of the cool gear you get to buy (I repeatedly blame Jeremy for this one, I've lost track of how much he's cost me by getting me really into hiking/backpacking), and how to dress in layers. In this, I'm hoping they learn to love the simple things, and learn that it's ok to take time for yourself, escape, and be alone with God in nature.
I'm trying to teach them who God is, and how to pray. We've been reading from the kids Bible Belle got at her dedication, and I'm trying to explain what these stories mean (getting a 3 and 1 year old to understand the consequences of original sin is super fantastic), and in this I'm hoping they learn how to have a personal relationship with God.
I'm constantly offering affirmation to them. I'm always telling them how much they are loved. I'm always telling them how beautiful they are. I'm always reaffirming their skills, and encouraging them to keep trying.
All of that sounds like it should be so common sense, so simple that every dad should do it. Sadly that isn't the case. It's because dad's have failed at being daddy, satisfied to simply be a father, that women feel the constant pressure to conform, look a certain way, or give themselves away. The world has brutalized femininity, because dad's have refused to offer their strength to their girls, or perhaps more accurately, have never discovered the strength they have to offer to them, and have left them to find their worth and value from people and places that have nothing true to offer. I'm not a perfect dad, as much as I'd like to be for my girls, I'm not. I hope nothing that I have said comes across as arrogant boasting, I simply know that my mind was never geared towards what a daughter would need until I had them, and if I can help another dad out I want to. I know there are countless things I could do better at, but I'm just hoping that what I give them is what they need, and that I'm able to give them a sense of their true beauty, worth, and a knowledge of who God is.
Men, your girls need you. They need you to be a man for them. Your girls need you to know who you are so that you can offer them what they need. Just as a son needs an identity, a name, so do daughters. Just as a son needs a foundation and affirmation of his masculinity, so do daughters. The process of masculine initiation is not simply for those with sons, but for all men, because the world needs the strength of men. Sons, both your own, or those who have no daddy to father them and initiate them, need a true man to lead them. Daughters, again both yours and those with no daddy, need a true man to offer validation and help them know the beauty they posses. That is what a man is called to offer.
Your initiation is not simply for you, but for others. God has given you a strength, it is up to you to discover it, and it is your responsibility to offer it. I don't have a son of my own to invest in, God has given me girls, but they need me just as much, and I will be there for them, no matter what it takes. I will offer them all that I can, so that when the world tries to tear them down, the comments have no impact because they have heard the truth from me.
I'm getting a little angry as I'm typing all of this, I hate that there are women, somebodies daughters, that didn't get this from their dads, and I hate what they have put themselves through, or been put through, because of it. I need to stop writing so I don't start ranting.
Men, God has given you a strength that this world desperately needs. The sons and daughters of this world that have no daddy need YOU. God has given you a strength so that you can do something about it. Find your strength, and offer it.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Life Lessons from Elf, by Jacob
My wife and I watched the movie "Elf" the other day. It has become quite the Christmas classic over the years, and yet, I haven't seen it in some time. Since my wife has wanted to watch it for most of the week, there we sat in Siem Reap, Cambodia in 88 degree weather watching the christmas movie. No, it does not feel like Christmas here.
It is funny, silly, sometimes bizarre, and yet the message is simplistic and cute in a way! Let me sum it up in my own words: A grown man, raised by elves since he was an infant in the North Pole, realizes one day he is a human and not an elf, and his whole world is turned upside down. Being compelled to travel to New York City to be reunited to his natural father, he travels on foot across more or less of a fairy land till he reaches the Lincoln tunnel. And that is just the beginning of his journey to reconciliation with himself and his natural family.
The Important Part:
What struck me early on was how childish he was! Not childlike, but childish. Being raised by elves in the North Pole, eating the three main food groups (sorry, you'll have to watch the movie), and building toys with stuffed animals that are actually alive for pets, would be like every child's paradise! And for Buddy, it definitely is! He is a child in a grown man's body - who also happens to literally walk into a normal job, go on a very abnormal, child-like (ish?) date and fall in love, get drunk in a mail room, get hurt by his father, and save Christmas all in about 72 hours (or so it seems).
And yet, I was choked up at one point! Buddy, literally, believes in everyone he meets, loves unconditionally no matter how hurt, and has faith in Santa (who he has seen) and is able to impart that same child-like faith in grown people he meets. It seems they cannot help but be impacted by his generosity, his compassion, his silliness, his naïvety or simplicity on many things!
Isn't that what captures us and delights us the most?
I couldn't help see a parallel with child-like faith he had in Santa and childlike faith in Jesus. It isn't about blindly believing in something without any reason at all! It is about a level of certainty through experience that leaves you impacted and convinced in your heart, soul, and mind. Faith may be blind in that you have not actually seen the object of your belief, but there is definitely a level of certitude that accompanies it. And faith is never without experience.
What kind of impact does this have on people around us? Buddy was not trying to convince everyone he met that Santa was real, he was simply living in that reality and it affected everything he said and did. I was impacted by an example of a childish man who believed in Santa, and the same often is said of those who believe in Jesus "Foolishness in the eyes of the 'wisdom' of the world" (1 Corinthians 2:20-21).
It is funny, silly, sometimes bizarre, and yet the message is simplistic and cute in a way! Let me sum it up in my own words: A grown man, raised by elves since he was an infant in the North Pole, realizes one day he is a human and not an elf, and his whole world is turned upside down. Being compelled to travel to New York City to be reunited to his natural father, he travels on foot across more or less of a fairy land till he reaches the Lincoln tunnel. And that is just the beginning of his journey to reconciliation with himself and his natural family.
The Important Part:
What struck me early on was how childish he was! Not childlike, but childish. Being raised by elves in the North Pole, eating the three main food groups (sorry, you'll have to watch the movie), and building toys with stuffed animals that are actually alive for pets, would be like every child's paradise! And for Buddy, it definitely is! He is a child in a grown man's body - who also happens to literally walk into a normal job, go on a very abnormal, child-like (ish?) date and fall in love, get drunk in a mail room, get hurt by his father, and save Christmas all in about 72 hours (or so it seems).
And yet, I was choked up at one point! Buddy, literally, believes in everyone he meets, loves unconditionally no matter how hurt, and has faith in Santa (who he has seen) and is able to impart that same child-like faith in grown people he meets. It seems they cannot help but be impacted by his generosity, his compassion, his silliness, his naïvety or simplicity on many things!
Isn't that what captures us and delights us the most?
I couldn't help see a parallel with child-like faith he had in Santa and childlike faith in Jesus. It isn't about blindly believing in something without any reason at all! It is about a level of certainty through experience that leaves you impacted and convinced in your heart, soul, and mind. Faith may be blind in that you have not actually seen the object of your belief, but there is definitely a level of certitude that accompanies it. And faith is never without experience.
What kind of impact does this have on people around us? Buddy was not trying to convince everyone he met that Santa was real, he was simply living in that reality and it affected everything he said and did. I was impacted by an example of a childish man who believed in Santa, and the same often is said of those who believe in Jesus "Foolishness in the eyes of the 'wisdom' of the world" (1 Corinthians 2:20-21).
Wednesday, December 6, 2017
Initiation, by Will
When our group had our first retreat in 2015, it was a weekend camping trip. In the back of my mind I saw it becoming more than that, but I think for the most part it was a cool weekend outing. Out of that initial weekend grew an annual retreat, and with that comes focus and intentionality. We've been guiding our discussion, and our yearly focus, on the various stages outlined in The Way of the Wild Heart, and I was recently reminded of this quote form the book, "The result of having abandoned masculine initiation is a world of unfinished, uninitiated men. But it doesn't have to be this way."
Every member of our group falls into the Millennial generation. For the majority of us, masculine initiation didn't happen in any form. I know my own family history, and it's rough. My dad didn't have his dad around when he needed him most, and my grandfather didn't have his dad around either. That is as far back of the cycle as I know, but masculine initiation has not taken place in my family for at least three generations. It isn't my dad's fault, it isn't my grandfather's fault, and I'm even willing to say it isn't my great grandfather's fault, but it is a trend I am determined to end.
As I've been through the roller coaster of divorce, and all of the realizations and insights I've gained during that 2+ year process, I've started to undergo this process of allowing God to initiate me into true masculinity. Learning who I am, finding a purpose and mission for life, seeking to impact others, and having brothers to share this journey with has been a life changing experience. Learning what I'm made of and what I am able to endure, realizing what I have to offer, discovering how to lead and cast vision, and growing in confidence has lead me to take risks and pursue opportunities I never would have before.
God is willing to do the work in my life that my dad couldn't do, and I am in no way saying I had a bad father. He was around, he encouraged and pushed me, and he has always seen potential in me that I haven't realized, and he has done what he could to move me to better things. But even the best father is limited in what they are able to do. Ultimately, the role of a father is to point his children to God, modeling a loving father so that they can have a solid relationship with the Father.
Proverbs 3.1-8 says:
My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.
That is the role of a father, to teach his children how to live, and to point them to fully trust in God. The role of a father is to give his children an identity, and point them to God for who they really are in Him. The role of a father is to train, to challenge, and to encourage. The role of a father is to initiate.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend some time with Aaron. We haven't spent much time together in the past few months, life does that, and it was good to sit with some hot beverages and just listen to each other. One of the topics of our conversation focused on his son, and how and when we are going to begin including him in our group. We mapped out some ideas, but I'll let Aaron share those when the time is right. We are being intentional about seeking our own initiation as men, but are also determined to set our children up to not have the same struggles that we have had in this area. We have come to realize the importance of initiation, and the role of ceremony in initiation, and are striving to challenge and acknowledge the essential moments in life.
God desires to initiate each of us as men, and He desires for us to offer initiation to other men. The challenges of life present opportunities for God to teach, instruct and mold us. He desires to initiate you. God has a name for you. He has a mission for your life. Regardless of what your father did or didn't do, God is there, wanting to heal, and wanting to initiate you as the man He created you to be.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Every member of our group falls into the Millennial generation. For the majority of us, masculine initiation didn't happen in any form. I know my own family history, and it's rough. My dad didn't have his dad around when he needed him most, and my grandfather didn't have his dad around either. That is as far back of the cycle as I know, but masculine initiation has not taken place in my family for at least three generations. It isn't my dad's fault, it isn't my grandfather's fault, and I'm even willing to say it isn't my great grandfather's fault, but it is a trend I am determined to end.
As I've been through the roller coaster of divorce, and all of the realizations and insights I've gained during that 2+ year process, I've started to undergo this process of allowing God to initiate me into true masculinity. Learning who I am, finding a purpose and mission for life, seeking to impact others, and having brothers to share this journey with has been a life changing experience. Learning what I'm made of and what I am able to endure, realizing what I have to offer, discovering how to lead and cast vision, and growing in confidence has lead me to take risks and pursue opportunities I never would have before.
God is willing to do the work in my life that my dad couldn't do, and I am in no way saying I had a bad father. He was around, he encouraged and pushed me, and he has always seen potential in me that I haven't realized, and he has done what he could to move me to better things. But even the best father is limited in what they are able to do. Ultimately, the role of a father is to point his children to God, modeling a loving father so that they can have a solid relationship with the Father.
Proverbs 3.1-8 says:
My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.
That is the role of a father, to teach his children how to live, and to point them to fully trust in God. The role of a father is to give his children an identity, and point them to God for who they really are in Him. The role of a father is to train, to challenge, and to encourage. The role of a father is to initiate.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend some time with Aaron. We haven't spent much time together in the past few months, life does that, and it was good to sit with some hot beverages and just listen to each other. One of the topics of our conversation focused on his son, and how and when we are going to begin including him in our group. We mapped out some ideas, but I'll let Aaron share those when the time is right. We are being intentional about seeking our own initiation as men, but are also determined to set our children up to not have the same struggles that we have had in this area. We have come to realize the importance of initiation, and the role of ceremony in initiation, and are striving to challenge and acknowledge the essential moments in life.
God desires to initiate each of us as men, and He desires for us to offer initiation to other men. The challenges of life present opportunities for God to teach, instruct and mold us. He desires to initiate you. God has a name for you. He has a mission for your life. Regardless of what your father did or didn't do, God is there, wanting to heal, and wanting to initiate you as the man He created you to be.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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