This month, I turned 32. As I get older, I realize I have somewhat of a wealth of knowledge, or just a rolodex of trial-and-error experiences. Lately, I have been binge listening to the podcast, "Ask Pastor John (Piper)," in which people email questions to John Piper, and he answers them with sound, biblical wisdom. Questions vary from bible interpretation to practical living, dating to marriage, just a whole gambit of ideas. He dishes out his wisdom in lists, which are really easy to track and remember.
So in honor of my 32nd birthday and John Piper (more so John Piper), I would like to turn back the clocks to the top 5 things I would tell Christians in their early 20s, in order of importance.
1) Resolve to make your relationship with God the most important thing to you.
God is the epi-center of life, so everything starts and ends with Him. The most important thing you can do with your life is to rightfully place God on the throne of your heart, and prioritize everything else around Him. He has made us relational beings, to reflect His relational traits, so He does not desire mindless compliance, but rather a relationship and our affections. Though we may see God at times through the imperfect examples of parents, government, and other authorities in our life, the reality is God loves us more than we can even fathom or comprehend. I mean, He sees every thought, action, word uttered, and the very depths of your heart, yet He passionately loves you. [insert mind-blown emoji]
A couple practical ways to resolve to do this are 1) Bible reading and 2) prayer. To invest in a relationship, it takes time and intimacy; therefore, carve out the time and protect it to the glory of God. Also, try to read books like "Pursuit of God", "Knowledge of the Holy", "Desiring God", or any other book that really points your gaze to the Lord. If you carve out that time and prioritize it, you will see the fruit of your devotion.
2) Find a biblical, gospel-preaching church and serve faithfully in the area of ministry God has discernibly placed on your heart.
This is #2 because it is the best way to properly undergird #1, your relationship with the Lord. If you find yourself like me when I was 21, living in a city far from home, you will need the local church to serve as your family away from family. I have been at my current church for six years, and they have become the unexpected family I have come to depend on heavily, and vice versa. When I need godly counsel, someone to hang with, a babysitter, or virtually anything, I go no further than my church.
Take time to find the church the Lord leads you to, but make sure to land on one as soon as you feel the prompting of the Spirit. There is nothing wrong with preferences of style, such as preaching, music, and events, but look for churches that are doctrinally-sound and promotes the truth of the gospel every week. Preferences are good, but not the most important thing.
Please note that I am not just saying attend church, but in addition to attending, become a member (or whatever terminology they use) and serve faithfully. When looking for where to serve, shoot for a ministry or opportunity that falls in line with your passions and top spiritual gifts. If you are not sure what those are, you can try some out, serve where there is a need, or just find one of the most basic opportunities to get your feet wet. If the church has a small group/home church ministry, find a group that works for you and your schedule, and attend it.
Depending on the season, serving may be difficult, but if at all possible, serve in at least one ministry, but for the most part, just try to serve in one ministry. DO NOT SPREAD YOURSELF THIN SERVING ANY MULTIPLE MINISTRIES. NO BURN OUT!
3) Prayerfully consider how you will invest in the relationships around you ... then invest.
This point is super broad. When I say relationship, I mean all relationships: family, friends, colleagues, and dating/romantic relationships.
You may not have the best relationship with your family, but if at all possible, prayerfully consider what it would be like to invest in that relationship. Parents may want to talk to you, so what would it look like develop a rhythm or frequency to phone calls or video chat. You may want to do the same with a sibling or close friend from far away.
In your proximity, look for people who can be good, even close, friends. The church is a great place to find community like that, but it is not the only place. In fact, for the sake of evangelism, it is often good to have friendships outside of the church.
By way of romance and dating, my encouragement would be to prayerfully discern how the Lord would have you approach that area of your life in the current season. For instance, if you feel you "need" a mate, you should DEFINITELY take time to find your sufficiency in Christ because it may be unhealthy for you and someone else to pursue romance. If you recently broke up with someone, you should DEFINITELY take time to heal, process, and grieve from that past relationship before you pursue romance again. Ultimately, it's going to be hard to have a healthy relationship if you yourself are not healthy.
If God has put the desire of marriage on your heart as a single person or if you are married, I would strongly encourage you to pick up the "Meaning of Marriage" or "You and Me Forever" to begin to cultivate the framework and foundation of a vision for marriage. I am not against dating, but dating should be done through prayer, above reproach, with intentionality, and with godly counsel from community for the good of others and the glory of God.
4) Dream and think BIG about what you want to be and do for vocation and make plans to get there.
Disclaimer: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." (Prov. 19:21)
There is a disclaimer to this one and you need to take this with a grain of salt. Who you are can only be found in Christ, and what you do or want to do is also found in Christ. Strongly consider what you wish to do for a vocation, but remember to hold that vocation in its proper place, which is why it is #4 on a list of 5. Your vocation may take up a large amount of your time in life, but it is not your identity. Note that what you want to do will change over time, and you will try different things that you may fail at, but my encouragement is to dream with open palms for the direction God has for you.
I say dream BIG because God has uniquely made you with passions and desires that He intends for you to use to His glory, your good, and the good of others. So dream BIG! Consider the things you enjoy, the things you are passionate about, and the kind of work to which you can say, "I can't believe someone pays me to do this". If you find yourself with a couple different ideas, research them to grasp a deeper understanding of them.
Once you have gotten that idea(s), start making plans on how you may accomplish it. What education do you need? What are the financial obligations? What experiences or skills do you need to develop? Create milestones to break up the journey so you can see the progression. Remember that you are an ever-evolving being, and you may find yourself wanting to change gears to a different vocation or line of work in the middle. That's okay (and relatively common)!
Ultimately, a plan is better than no plan. Your future spouse and children, if God wills, will appreciate it. But please keep God and relationships at a higher priority over your aspirations.
5) Have fun.
Yes! Seriously! I put this last, not as an after-thought, but to continually beat the drum on how to properly prioritize life and to ensure that thrills, desires, and comforts do not usurp your focus from the first 4. Seriously, you need to have fun. As you get older, your time, capacity, and energy will decrease, and responsibility will increase. So while you still have time and energy, with low responsibility, please go have fun.
If you have the time and finances to do so, travel and experience new cultures and food. If you enjoy working out, sports, or running, go for it. Go on walks, read a book or two. Write. What you like to do for fun varies, but seriously, whatever it is go out and do those things to the glory of God, just remember not to neglect any of the prior 4.
Why? Rest and enjoyment is biblical. You will hear many messages from culture (and occasionally from the Church) about working yourself to death or making your comfort into a god. The reality is we need a balance of work and rest, both to the glory of God. Work is important and was there before the Fall of Man in Genesis 3, but do not neglect resting. "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep." (Psalm 127:2)
As I mentioned above, I learned these lessons from trial and error. I spent most of my life, subconsciously, making my ambitions the center of my universe. As a result, God did not have the prominent place in my heart until everything else failed me, when it all fell down. I put ambition over faithfully being part of a church. Ambition drove me to neglect my family and close relationships. I have missed substantial parts of my sister's kids' lives, and I am haunted by that truth. I even let the pursuit of ambition rob me of joy and relaxation only to burn myself out in the end.
This wisdom I give is wisdom I give out of folly, not prudence, but I hope that the hard lessons I learned may ensure fruitfulness for someone else. The truth is you reading this may fail at one of the five, maybe most of the five, but remember that Jesus died for your failure, idolatry, and folly. He paid it all so that you did not have to receive the just penalty for your shortcomings. He gives an unbelievable grace that the world could never offer. So live, and fail, and repeat, but once you have endured your 20s or 30s, look for how you can glorify God in this life and how others can benefit.
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