Turning 34, by Will

Another year has passed, and it's been the strangest year of my life. I'm a year older, and my wife made amazing tiramisu for my birthday. I haven't written in months, there's been a lot on my mind, but I've been very unmotivated. Everything going on has made it difficult to process anything because there has been so much to process. When I began thinking about 2020 back in 2013, it was supposed to be a year of change. I had started a job with great benefits, and the plan was to finish school and move on, getting back into a church. 

So much has changed since 2013, and 2020 brought about a change no one saw coming. The year started with CPE, which ended up being a really good experience. It pushed me and helped me grow in areas of my life, and I'm getting ready to start unit 2 of CPE this January. Completing my first CPE unit opened the door for me to be able to pursue a chaplain residency program, I applied, completed the interview, but had to withdraw from consideration. 

The reason for my withdrawal was the inability to take the pay cut due to the on going custody battle. I realized that I have had to fight my ex-wife in court longer than we were married. Still can't share much about it, but we should have an end date in sight (but I've thought that before, so just waiting to see at this point). I'm upset that this has been allowed to go on for so long. I'm upset that my girls are still caught in the middle of this. I'm upset that this has been allowed to impact my wife and new daughter in the way that it has. 

Throw into the on going drain of a custody battle a global pandemic and a presidential election with high emotions on both sides, and a lot of controversy surrounding the outcome. At 34, I realize that I'm tired. 

I'm tired of loosing irreplaceable time with my daughters as the legal process drags on. 

I'm tired of throwing away thousands of dollars in legal fees every year. 

I'm tired of wearing a mask. 

I'm tired of political corruption and career politicians who have forgotten what they were elected for. 

I'm tired of feeling worn out. 

This year of life has been draining, so much has been sucking the life out of me, but this year, I began to intentionally pursue something life giving. I've had the dream to thru hike the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, and Continental Divide Trail, and biking across the country on the TransAmerica Trail. My desire to travel over 12,000 miles by foot and bike led me to create Boots and Pedals, following my preparation and training until I get to complete these trails. Learning how to build a social media following has been a new thing for me, but my Instagram (bootsandpedals) and Facebook page (Boots and Pedals) have both grown, and I'm currently in the process of starting a website/blog to further share my journey. 

This past week, I realized that complete my AT thru hike is something I need to do soon. As I've been contemplating where my life is, and where it is going, it dawned on me that this hike is the key to getting my soul back. The logistics of doing this right now aren't clear to me, but I know I need to do this, and I believe that the opportunity is going to present itself within the next few years. 

34 doesn't look at all like I was expecting, planning anything has been hard, but if the next few months bring about the conclusion that they hopefully will, 35 will look different. 

Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11 

  TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!