I'm restless right now, and for some reason I feel like writing. I started to write a post on spite, but I realized in doing that I was being spitefully hypocritical. Adjusting to this new chapter of my life, one that was never supposed to happen, has been difficult. I've been working on a plan to move closer to my girls when my oldest starts school in a just under two years, and in that I've started to see how God can make all of this work out for my good and His glory (Romans 8.28-30). I've also realized that until that happens, there are going to be a lot of moments that absolutely suck. And in the midst of all of this, I keep being reminded of the name that I believe God has given me.
I feel that it's finally the time to share this, but I have to limit what I say because I'm working on a book based on this idea (if anyone who reads this has published anything, I'd love to talk with you about how to go about this). I feel like the name God has given me is "Lion Killer", and I've found a lot of encouragement in 1 Peter 5.1-11. Lions are big, strong, fast, and vicious. In short, lions are really dangerous, and the Bible says that our enemy the Devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. The attacks come often, and we are told to be on the alert, of sober spirit, and to resist him, because we are not the only ones suffering these attacks. There is a promise as well, that when we resist, after we have endured, God will perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish us. There is a struggle, but the struggle is not eternal; God's glory for what He will do for those who persevere is.
This name has revealed to me why I dress the way I do, I love safari style shirts. But more than that, it's helped me to see what is involved in following God to what He has in store. It is not easy. It's exhausting, and you learn that you can't drop your guard even for a minute. You learn that the enemy is relentless, and anywhere he sees an opening, he'll take advantage. In the past two years, I've seen the ways I didn't guard my marriage. We never dealt with infidelity, never even came close, I wouldn't even talk to women if I could avoid it, because I wasn't going to let anyone pull me away from my wife. But I have also seen how I failed as a husband. I was so focused on the future, so focused on where I thought we were headed and needed to get, that I didn't see how my wife wasn't doing well. I was so caught up with what I thought life was supposed to be like, so frustrated that things weren't working out like I thought they should, that I let a lion slip in and devour my marriage.
It isn't too late to claim the name God is trying to give me. It isn't too late to fight and kill lions. My marriage may be over, but I still have two girls, and I have to do the best I can to love their mother, because I made a covenant before God. Life isn't over, there is a still a work God has called me to do, there are still lives that He has called me to impact. In order to be able to do this, I have to begin by killing the lion of spite and bitterness that wants to be angry. I can't teach Bible at a Christian High School, or to college students, if I'm harboring unforgiveness. I can't be a good dad to my girls I refuse to love their mother well. This goes against every human inclination I have. I want to be angry, I want to be bitter, I want to act in spite, but that isn't what a Lion Killer does. If that is how I choose to respond, then I'm just going to end up as another casualty, and so may many others that I couldn't reach because of my heart attitude.
Lions don't go down easily, they're tough, but they are not invincible. Satan is relentless, but standing firm in God allows for him to be resisted and overcome. Through Christ, the lion is killed, and through Christ victory and peace are attained. In Christ, hard hearts are softened, and forgiveness is extended. In Christ, your true name is bestowed, and your destiny is lived out.
God has more for you than you could possibly imagine. God has a name for you that reveals who you are and why you are here. The reality of that name will bring about trials and hardships, but it will also result in the blessings of God, and His glory. Own your name, live it out, glorify God.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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