For the past month and a half I've been a student again; I've been doing a CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) unit, and it's been a really good experience. This unit is a step towards being able to pursue different chaplaincy paths, but more than that, it has proven to be an opportunity for deeper personal understanding, growth, and healing. My second week of the unit, the director of Spiritual Care where I'm doing my unit told me, "CPE is all about you." This was a bit of a shock to me, because my mindset was that it was helping me learn how to be a better chaplain, but in this unit I've learned that self-care, and knowledge of self, allows us to provide better care to others. It is in our own pain that we can relate to the pain of others.
This past week we were supposed to go over the Enneagram, however, since everyone else in my class has had that didactic before, and I'm familiar with the Enneagram, the educator decided to go in another direction to make the unit more beneficial. Initially there was disappointment, I was looking forward to learning more about this from someone else, all of my learning has come from audiobooks, and the songs and podcasts from Sleeping at last, and I was looking forward to learning more about it from an actual in the flesh teacher. Being a 1 in a world with 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 is a bit of a challenge at times, and one day I'll probably write a post on my life as a 1, but not today.
Instead of the Enneagram, we talked about anger, and this proved to be a very enlightening topic. Culture sees anger as bad, dangerous, evil, and from a religious perspective, sinful. The reality is, this isn't the case. Anger is a human emotion that is wired into all of us, and if anger is a sin, then God has sinned multiple times.
"Then the anger of the Lord burned against Moses" -Exodus 4.14a
"Then Moses entreated the Lord his God, and said, 'O Lord, why does Your anger burn against Your people whom You have brought out from the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand?'" -Exodus 32.11
"Now the people became like those who complain of adversity in the hearing of the Lord; and when the Lord heard it, His anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp." -Numbers 11.1
"So the anger of the Lord burned against them and He departed." -Numbers 12.9
"So the Lord’s anger burned against Israel" -Numbers 32.13
"All its land is brimstone and salt, a burning waste, unsown and unproductive, and no grass grows in it, like the overthrow of Sodom and Gomorrah, Admah and Zeboiim, which the Lord overthrew in His anger and in His wrath." -Deuteronomy 29.23
"therefore the anger of the Lord burned against the sons of Israel" -Joshua 7.1b
The Psalms tell of God's anger; the prophets speak of "the day of the Lord's anger". Throughout the Bible we see God get angry, and as people, made in the image of God, anger is built into who we are. Anger is not a sin. Paul says in Ephesians "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." (4.26-27), and God's word's to Cain in Genesis 4.6-7, "Then the Lord said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.'"
Anger can lead to all kinds of evil, but anger in itself is not evil, and we need to stop treating it as if it is. Anger is an emotion, present in God, and anger can bring about a lot of good. It is because people are angry about things that change takes place; people are angry over injustice, inequality, mistreatment of the weak and helpless, and so they rise up and act to do something about it. The question should't be, "How do I keep from getting angry?" or "How do I suppress my anger?" but rather, "What am I angry about and how do I channel that to bring about change?"
Right now I'm angry about the situation I'm in, and what my daughters are being put through. My anger is fed by the fact that I am powerless to do anything about the situation. I'm angry that I'm being punished for something I never did. I'm angry about what my daughters have to deal with. I'm angry.
Anger is not a sin. Anger is not something to be suppressed. Anger is an emotion seen in God, and we, as His image bearers, were created with anger as an emotion. Be angry, but in your anger don't sin.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Thursday, February 27, 2020
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Lack of sleep, by Aaron
My family decided to drive up to my in-laws house last weekend to hang out for a few days. We live about two hours from my wife's family, so we normally stay a few days when we drive up. My youngest child is about 10 months old right now and just recently started sleeping through the night. It has been about 3 or 4 weeks since she started sleeping through the night, which has been a great blessing for my wife and I. As most parents already know; when you go somewhere else overnight, you never know how the kids are going to sleep.
We stayed two nights at their home and I felt like I got hit by a semi. The best thing about grandma and grandpa is that they can help us out and give us a break. Trust me when needed as much help as we could get after that first night. The baby went to bed around 830 or 9 that night. We ended up going to bed a little later, but at midnight she woke up screaming. We initially let her cry a little to see if she would put herself back to sleep. She definitely was not going back to sleep, so my wife ended up giving her a bottle. She put her back in the pack-in-play, but the baby still was not happy. I ended up rubbing her back for a few minutes and she finally went to sleep. I want to say throughout the whole sequence we were up for like an hour, but felt like 10 hours. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep that night, because she was rolling around in the pack-in-play, we had a night light in our room which never helps the parents, and i had a hard time falling asleep because it just isn't our bed. Just a long night in general. So needless to say the rest of the weekend was very fun, but I was exhausted by the time we got back home on Sunday.
With three kids we've had many weekends very similar to the last one. Whether it was at my parents house, my wife's family, or our own house it just happens. It takes a few days to get back into the swing of the things. Sometimes it takes more than a few days to get back into our routine, could be days to weeks depending on how crazy life can be. I heard a sermon while I was at my in-laws house, and the pastor was talking about faith. He was in the book of Luke discussing the parable of the blind beggar asking Jesus to heal him (Luke 18: 35-43). Jesus told the beggar that because of his Faith that he was healed and the man got up and started following Him.
As the teacher continued to discuss faith, he mentioned that faith is something that can fluctuate. As he disscussed this fluctuation in faith it really struck a chord. Sometimes our faith is very strong and we feel that close connection with the Lord. It's those times that if we would have called upon the Lord to heal our blindness that we would have been healed because of our faith. There are also times when our faith is not very strong. That doesn't mean Jesus has left us or we are not beleivers, but we don't have the close connection with Him. Most of the time that is on us, we are going through something and we veer away from the Lord and our faith waivers or decreases. It reminds me of that lack of sleep that we experience at times. With that lack of sleep we are almost in a fog. We are just somewhat going through the motions. I go to work because I have to and unfortunatley probably don't perform as well. That lack of sleep can cloud your judgment. Things that normally do not irritate me can very well annoy me because I'm on edge. My wife and I may snap at each other or the kids because of our lack of energy.
With that lack of faith we start asking more questions about the Lord. We start questioning if we hear his voice anymore. We are not seeing the usual fruits of the spirit like we are used to. The Lord is still working and we are not seeing his work as easily or even at all. How do we recover from this lack of faith? The answer is pretty easy honestly. We have to have to get all up in the Lord's business!! Pray and speak to Him more, get in the Word more to find those answers. As you spend time with the Lord, that faith is going to increase and things start to get back into that "normal routine" You start seeing your prayers answered, you start hearing His voice more clearly, your joy comes back, and your peace returns. Life gets back to normal. It's like you got a good night of rest and your energy has returned.
I'm still getting my energy back from the trip last weekend. I am honestly looking forward to relaxing with my family and maybe get a nap in one of these days coming up. Until that rest comes back I will push closer to my family, I will push harder at work to become better. I know that digging in will help me become a stronger individual. I will also push closer to the Lord and look for his activity each day. Whether I have energy or not the Lord deserves my attention. So whether your faith is growing or has declined, push towards Him and not towards other things. As you seek Him more, that faith will start to steadily increase and you will grow in the Lord. So let's get our energy back, I'm tired of this lack of sleep!
God bless!!
-Aaron
We stayed two nights at their home and I felt like I got hit by a semi. The best thing about grandma and grandpa is that they can help us out and give us a break. Trust me when needed as much help as we could get after that first night. The baby went to bed around 830 or 9 that night. We ended up going to bed a little later, but at midnight she woke up screaming. We initially let her cry a little to see if she would put herself back to sleep. She definitely was not going back to sleep, so my wife ended up giving her a bottle. She put her back in the pack-in-play, but the baby still was not happy. I ended up rubbing her back for a few minutes and she finally went to sleep. I want to say throughout the whole sequence we were up for like an hour, but felt like 10 hours. I think I got about 4 hours of sleep that night, because she was rolling around in the pack-in-play, we had a night light in our room which never helps the parents, and i had a hard time falling asleep because it just isn't our bed. Just a long night in general. So needless to say the rest of the weekend was very fun, but I was exhausted by the time we got back home on Sunday.
With three kids we've had many weekends very similar to the last one. Whether it was at my parents house, my wife's family, or our own house it just happens. It takes a few days to get back into the swing of the things. Sometimes it takes more than a few days to get back into our routine, could be days to weeks depending on how crazy life can be. I heard a sermon while I was at my in-laws house, and the pastor was talking about faith. He was in the book of Luke discussing the parable of the blind beggar asking Jesus to heal him (Luke 18: 35-43). Jesus told the beggar that because of his Faith that he was healed and the man got up and started following Him.
As the teacher continued to discuss faith, he mentioned that faith is something that can fluctuate. As he disscussed this fluctuation in faith it really struck a chord. Sometimes our faith is very strong and we feel that close connection with the Lord. It's those times that if we would have called upon the Lord to heal our blindness that we would have been healed because of our faith. There are also times when our faith is not very strong. That doesn't mean Jesus has left us or we are not beleivers, but we don't have the close connection with Him. Most of the time that is on us, we are going through something and we veer away from the Lord and our faith waivers or decreases. It reminds me of that lack of sleep that we experience at times. With that lack of sleep we are almost in a fog. We are just somewhat going through the motions. I go to work because I have to and unfortunatley probably don't perform as well. That lack of sleep can cloud your judgment. Things that normally do not irritate me can very well annoy me because I'm on edge. My wife and I may snap at each other or the kids because of our lack of energy.
With that lack of faith we start asking more questions about the Lord. We start questioning if we hear his voice anymore. We are not seeing the usual fruits of the spirit like we are used to. The Lord is still working and we are not seeing his work as easily or even at all. How do we recover from this lack of faith? The answer is pretty easy honestly. We have to have to get all up in the Lord's business!! Pray and speak to Him more, get in the Word more to find those answers. As you spend time with the Lord, that faith is going to increase and things start to get back into that "normal routine" You start seeing your prayers answered, you start hearing His voice more clearly, your joy comes back, and your peace returns. Life gets back to normal. It's like you got a good night of rest and your energy has returned.
I'm still getting my energy back from the trip last weekend. I am honestly looking forward to relaxing with my family and maybe get a nap in one of these days coming up. Until that rest comes back I will push closer to my family, I will push harder at work to become better. I know that digging in will help me become a stronger individual. I will also push closer to the Lord and look for his activity each day. Whether I have energy or not the Lord deserves my attention. So whether your faith is growing or has declined, push towards Him and not towards other things. As you seek Him more, that faith will start to steadily increase and you will grow in the Lord. So let's get our energy back, I'm tired of this lack of sleep!
God bless!!
-Aaron
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