“Water.” I say with a measure of finality.
“Water and mountains. Or fog and mountains. Or Rain! But there has to be a front porch and coffee involved, and preferably somewhere ‘away’.”
These are things I often say to myself when I am tired or stressed. Yes, when I am definitely stressed! And stress has been a frequent visitor of mine lately, so much so, I think he has taken up residence for the time being.
It is hard for me not to feel this way, especially since most of my life I have lived as if I am on my own to figure everything out, to make a way. When you add in a wife and a little girl, the feeling just skyrockets sometimes. No wonder stress has decided to move in and stay a while.
BUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON?
When I choose to look below the surface, when I take time to breathe and check my emotional pulse, then I start to find something else going on that has been hidden for a long time it's become so normal. These are feelings of betrayal, anger, frustration, and hopelessness.
When my job is going well; when I have enough money; when it feels like things in life are moving in a positive direction, then it is easy for me to believe I am doing something right or God is for me. But when these things aren’t happening, like being stuck in a dead end job...again. Or, not being able to raise support very well for a trip you are sure you heard God tell you to go to. Well, that is when these feelings surface again.
These are some of my triggers. These life events trigger certain reactions, and those reactions are tied to my beliefs. Pull on the string of the triggered emotion, and I can usually, in time, explain why I feel that way in the moment. It is usually tied to mistrust in some way towards God’s ability to take care of me, despite myself. Because in this world of mine, I am responsible for my own well-being...and now my family.
Drumroll…...
I DON’T ACTUALLY TRUST GOD!
THERE! I said it...
And this is why I am stressed. I constantly feel I have to do it on my own to make it happen. Or the verse that says “With God, some things are possible. And those that aren’t, I must find a way”. This is often how I actually live! I don’t actually believe the real thing, so I change it to fit my circumstances or my beliefs based on how I see the world.
So, suffice it to say, this is a root of mine that I am learning how to dig up and replace with truth. That is all this is! They are lies that I have made in agreement in believing, and God is after complete freedom in my heart! He knows when I have freedom, my heart and life is more fully His!
And these circumstances that betray the reality of my own soul, while really difficult to face, are really good things! God puts his finger on certain areas that he wants to address, and in the process, I get the chance to partner with Him in the solution. It is all about the process of me becoming more like Jesus anyways.
What are these triggers for you?
What is God pinpointing in your own life?
He is after your heart and greater freedom in your life.
And God knows what we need even before we ask Him! So take some time to step back away from the busyness and talk with Him it. Listen to what He says. And just do it!
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