I finally understand that expression, and it's from personal experience. Figuratively, not literally, it would be dumb to lite both ends of a candle, how would you even use it? (There's my attempt at humor). I will say it isn't much smarter to do this figuratively.
For the past few months I've been really pushing and stretching myself. I have a goal that I am aiming for, and a pretty clear idea of how to pursue this goal. I've found certain opportunities that can set me up for success in the future, but I'm starting to really see the cost in the present. I'm really busy, a few weeks ago I slept less then 9 hours over four days, while working nearly 60 hours in that same span. I'm only 31, not as young as I used to be, but not all that old. My body is sore all the time, and I have found that I don't recover nearly as quickly as I used to, it took me over a week to recover from my 9 hour sleep week.
For a while now I've been asking myself, rather often, is this all worth it? There are no guarantees that all of this will pay off, and with the area I have to be in to be close enough and involved in the lives of my girls (a non-negotiable) the opportunities shrink dramatically. I've talked to Aaron and Jeremy a lot of about all of this, and they've both encouraged me, and reminded me that I need to begin to take some things off of my plate. I can't keep going at the pace I've been going for very long, and I've started to evaluate the criteria for doing something.
Is it essential?
Is it something I enjoy?
Does it move me towards my calling?
Does it help me become more like Christ?
Does it glorify God?
Everything is not going to fit all of these criteria, there will always be some essential tasks that I have to do that I don't enjoy doing (like studying Church History) but if an activity doesn't meet a majority of these criteria, it is not something I can allow myself to undertake.
This is not going to be an easy task for me, but I'm starting to see what my limits are, and I'm gaining more focus as I get older (I think that might be my word for the year, Focus). Focus is what is going to allow me to only burn the candle from one end. Focus is what is going to allow me to have a Sabbath, something that has been lacking in my life recently. Last weekend, when I first started writing this post, I felt the need for some alone time. I knew I would have some time Saturday morning, so I planned to spend a couple hours alone in the woods. It was colder than I was hoping, this April has been colder than normal, I took my hammock and went to the woods. I wasn't going hiking, though that normally is something that relaxes me, I just didn't have the energy to walk several miles. I put on all of my winter gear, lined my hammock with my space blanket, and relaxed between two trees for a couple hours.
That time was really needed, and really refreshing. I need more time like that in my life, and that means I've got to be more focused about the things I fill my time with. Before undertaking anything else, and continuing with any of my current engagements, I have to evaluate them, allowing my time to be focused only on the things that really matter.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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