Last week I read something that rubbed me the wrong way. I saw something on Facebook titled, "10 Films Every Man Should Have Seen". Out of curiosity I clicked on it, and when I got to the link I read two sentences that, even thinking about now, really upset me. "Think you're a true man? You are if you have seen all of these films, especially more than once!" According to this article, I'm not a man because of the 10 films listed I've seen two of them, and of those two, I've only seen them each once. It doesn't bother me that I don't meet their standard of masculinity, but that masculinity has been reduced to something as insignificant as the films you like. Unfortunately, this view isn't too far off of how society defines masculinity today, and it has done great damage.
There is a lot I could say, but I'm going to skip all of it and just go right to the Teddy Roosevelt quote, "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." That is masculinity.
Masculinity is defined by action and experience, not vicarious living through action stars. Don't get me wrong, I love Gladiator, The Patriot, The Lord of the Rings, and Nolan's Batman Trilogy (none of which were on the above mentioned list). The men in these movies stir something in me that wants to be valiant and heroic, but I've spent too much time living in a fantasy world. I haven't been the critic pointing out where the strong man stumbles, but I haven't been in the arena. My face is clean, no dust, sweat or blood (other than the imaginary kind) on my face.
This past year I've started to really live. I've written about the white water trip our fellowship took, and on my own I did a vision quest. It didn't start out as a vision quest, but turned into one. Initially it was one of those things that I was called out on by a pastor friend. I've talked about being in a survival situation a lot, and he, who had pointed out the tendency I have towards the fantasy focus of life, challenged my ability. Normally I would have shied away from the challenge, making excuses for why I didn't have the time to do it, I tried that, but he wasn't letting up. And so on a weekend at the end of August I grabbed my hiking pack, and was dropped in the woods by my pastor friend with minimal equipment, simulating getting lost while hiking. I made a shelter in the woods, slept outside alone, and spent the following day wandering the woods. As I lay in my shelter that night God began to speak me, and it continued for the next day.
It was an incredible experience of God pointing things out in my life that He needed to work on. I've spent my life with the focus on "Some Day". I live for the future, preparing for it, hoping for it, expecting it, but at the end of my 24 hour fast/quest/adventure/ God showed me that I needed to surrender Some Day, and focus on the now. I have to get off of the side lines and get into the arena. I need some dust, sweat, and blood on my face, otherwise when I get to the end of this life my place will be counted with the timid souls who don't know victory or defeat. I've spent my first 30 years playing it safe for the most part. Timidity has ruled my life, and I hate it. I've admired those in the arena, and I've longed to join them, but my timidity has kept me on the sidelines, always with a valid excuse, but always a spectator.
That isn't how I want to spend the rest of my life. Be it another sixty minutes or another sixty years, I want to live differently. I want to strive valiantly. I want to spend myself in a worthy cause, because even if I fall short in that pursuit, it is still worth pursuing. I keep thinking about Jesus in Luke 9.51, "When the days were approaching for His ascension, He was determined to go to Jerusalem". Other translations say that He resolutely set out for Jerusalem, or He set His face to go to Jerusalem.
My timidity comes from a fear of failure. It is rooted in a fear of not being enough. I look back over my life, and it is marked by limited risks, playing it safe, and avoiding real testing of any kind. I like to talk about certain things, but when the chance comes to do them, there's always a reason I can't. That's why this challenge at the end of the summer was such a big deal.
Jesus was facing a cross, the most painful and agonizing death that could be endured, and He was determined to go to Jerusalem. He was resolute to face it, and focused His full attention on embracing the mission He had to accomplish. He knew exactly what lay before Him. He had grown up in a time when criminals were crucified along the roads, so He knew what was involved. He knew that nails would be driven through His hands and feet. He knew the prophecies of Scripture. He knew about the beating He would take before the He ever touched the cross. He knew exactly what was waiting in Jerusalem, and He intentionally set out to go there.
Several years ago God gave me a word for the year. Off the top of my head I only remember two, 2010 was "Christlikeness" and 2011 was "Relationships". During that time most of what God was communicating to me focused primarily on that subject. It's something that I've lost sight of since then, but recently I've felt that God has something He's trying to communicate with me. As 2016 wraps up, God has given me a word for the new year. The word for 2017 is "Intentionality". The experiences of this past year have been preparing me for this, and I'm already seeing some areas where this theme is playing out for the upcoming year.
I want to be intentional about life. I don't want to live with timidity, never getting my face dirty by staying in the arena stands, talking a good game about how I could do this or that. I want to be the man in the arena, marred and dirty, but giving it everything I've got, achieving the goal or dying trying. The only way to get there is by intentionally getting up and entering the arena. I realize I'm using general and vague terms right now, but at the moment they're all I've got. Over the next year I know God is going to reveal things to me, giving clarity to my life as I begin to intentionally live life. Will I fall short with things, absolutely, and that's ok.
Jesus pursued the cross with determined intentionality, and it is that same resolution that I want to live with. I want to intentionally face what comes, living life to the fullest. I want to know that triumph of high achievement, and even if I don't attain it, I want to fail daring greatly. My pursuit of genuine masculinity is not found in the movies I'll watch in 2017, but by the intentional pursuit of God.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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