Several years ago I was invited to be part of a leadership training class. I was 24 and had just started pastoring a small church. I was at an interesting stage of life, college graduate with very little real world experience, humble know-it-all attitude, and a believing I possessed a deeper sense of maturity than I actually had. Those were back in the days when I really cared about being deep and profound. This class introduced me to an excellent book on spiritual disciplines by Donald Whitney (I'll put a link to it at the end of this post), and gave me one of the first real chances to learn from one of the best spiritual leaders I'll ever meet.
Over the past few weeks I've been thinking about a question that was asked in the class, "What do you want your tombstone to say?" At the time, due to the reasons I stated above, I ended up turning in some paraphrase of 2 Timothy 4.7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith". I remember hating it when I turned it in, and I'm really glad that I didn't have it carved in stone. It's bothered me that I couldn't come up with anything other than that.
I've been on a journey of self-discovery, or maybe heart-recovery is a better phrase. I've been really looking at who I am and why, and trying to focus on who I am called to be and how to get there. I know where I want to go career wise, College professor (and I have a paper to finish, but I'm writing this instead because my mind needs a break). I've seen the steps I need to take to get there, and though it's a difficult, chaotic, and slightly overwhelming road (this ten page paper is driving me nuts, an 80,000 word dissertation just makes me shake my head and chuckle). But as I've talked with trusted leaders I've realized that my effectiveness as a teacher depends on this journey I'm on right now.
So back to the tombstone question, what do I want mine to say? What is the final thing I want people to know about me? What words do I want over my final resting place? What do I want complete strangers who may happen to walk by and glance down to know about me?
Recently I've been quoting a line from the movie Kingdom of Heaven a lot, "What man is a man who does not make the world better?" If I'm not doing anything to improve the world, physically or morally, if I'm not investing in people and helping them really live, if I'm not doing anything other than taking up space and expelling CO2, what man am I?
This journey I am on is one of recovery and healing. It is one that is helping me learn to take risks, and giving me permission to adventure. It is preparing me for battles and teaching me how to fight for, and protect, beauty. It is helping me learn who I am, what I have to offer, and how to offer it. In short, this journey is enabling me to make the world better.
The young man's dreams I used to have for glory and grandeur are gone. I no longer desire to pastor a mega-church or preach to sold out stadiums. I'm honestly content with taking a more behind the scenes role and simply investing in the lives of my students. I've been really thinking about starting a house church and doing small scale ministry/discipleship that way (more on this to come sometime in the future). I'm realizing that I don't need a platform to make the world better, just the willingness to invest in the lives of others.
As of right now, I want my tombstone to say, "Here lies a man who made the world better."
Man was entrusted with the world by God. We were placed here to care for it, but we haven't done a very good job, and no this isn't a go green, global warming is real (though it is) post. We've messed up the world, but we have the chance to make it better. What do you want your tombstone to say? What impact do you want to make? What legacy do you want to leave?
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Disciplines-Christian-Donald-Whitney/dp/1615216170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494120811&sr=8-1&keywords=spiritual+disciplines+for+the+christian+life
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