I started 2017 with such high aspirations, and three weeks in I'm finding that I am falling short on all of them. I have done some training for our June outing, but not to the extent that I was planning on. I've done some blogging on my own personal blog, but not to the extent I was hoping to. The stack of books I wanted to read before the spring semester started (two days ago) hasn't moved. Even as I'm trying to write this I find myself getting sidetracked.
I'm an early riser, I'm awake between 5 and 6 am every day, but actually getting up after setting all of these goals hasn't been easy. I look at everything that needs to get done, realize that there is a lot of time in between now and the deadline, and end up putting things off. I have this outting in June, so I have just over four months to get in better shape and prepare the discussion guides; I have time. I have two classes that started this week, and some big assignments due in a little over a month, but it's a month away; I have time. I have all day to think about the post for my other blog and can write tonight; I have time. I have three hours between waking up and having to leave for work, I'll pray later; I have time. It’s only January 18, there is so much left of this year; I have time.
I have time. I have time. I have time. But it's time to leave for work and I haven't prayed. It's the evening and I'm tired from a long day and don't feel like writing. The semester flies by and my assignments are due Friday. It's June 7 and our retreat is in two days. It’s Christmas, and the year is almost over. That's how everything ends up. I manage to get stuff done, but it causes a lot of stress, anxiety, and lower quality work. It's hard in the moment, but in all honesty, it's easier over all, but I hate living that way. I am so tired of the excuse, I have time.
This past Sunday the pastor at the church I visited talked about change, and how difficult it is to change a habit. It takes intentionality, and intentionality is hard. The world has shifted to a culture of instant gratification. I’ve heard the whole, fast food, high speed internet, instant coffee thing before, but it’s true. We don’t wait for anything anymore, and my generation lives with an entitled attitude and cheap, store bought character. It means nothing because it costs nothing, and I don’t want to live that way.
I’m tired of making excuses and putting things off. Intentionality is hard, but because of that, it’s worth it. I want to live with a sense of urgency, not with the mindset of “I have time” but with “Time is running out”. I want to live with the focus of “It’ll be here before I know it” not “It’s such a long way off”.
The Psalmist said that our days may come to seventy years, or if strength endures maybe eighty, but follows this with a reminder that time quickly passes and then says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” (Ps. 90.12) Proverbs 27.1 says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” James said, “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” (James 4.14)
Time is short and so intentionality is essential. I don’t want to waste time with the mindset of “I have time” and then have to give an account to God for my all of the time I have let slip away. I don’t want to have to explain to my brothers why I’m out of shape or unprepared to lead discussion. I don’t want to have to ask my professors for an extension on assignments because I wasn’t disciplined enough to do the work on time. I don’t want to let another day slip by without being intentional about seeking God.
Intentionality is hard, but time is short, and I want to live with the heart of wisdom, numbering my days knowing that all too soon they will run out. I want to live with a sense of urgency, not chaotic stress. When my alarm goes off tomorrow I want to get up and start the day. I know that I’m not going to want to, but the man I’ll be is determined by how the day begins, and I want to live with the mindset of carpe diem. I want to be intentional, no, I choose to be intentional.
John Wesley’s group had various questions that they would ask in their meetings, questions that started with “What” not “Have”. It was “What did you read in Scripture today?” not “Have you read Scripture today?” There was an expectation there, and I want to live with that same expectation. And so I’m going to wrap this post up, look at the discussion board I need to post for a class, and then do some pull-ups.
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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