A House Divided, by Will

I'm going to do my best to keep this from being a political post. This isn't a political blog and I don't want to take it there. The current atmospher of America is more chaotic and, if I'm being honest, slightly terrifying. I'm concerned about the future of my country. The answer is not found in the Democratic party, or in the Republican party. The two parties can't come together to do what is best for the American people they have been elected to serve, and it is bringing about the destruction of this nation. 

The central issue is that America is no longer united. There is so much division, more than I can remember in previous years, and as Jesus said in Matthew 12, "Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself will not stand."

 In 2011, Casting Crowns released their album, "Come to the Well". The second track, "City on a Hill", is one I've listened to a lot in the past several years, and below is an animated video clip with the song.

 

I've been to the city on a hill in Israel, it's a pile of ruins that tourists now walk around and take pictures of. Division leads to destruction, and no one is immune to it. No nation, no church, no organization, no group can survive when there is division.

 America needs to come together; we need to realize what the division is going to do to us as a country. No house divided against itself can stand; no one group is more important or essential to a city (or nation), but all are dependent upon each other. If we don't come together, we will end up like the city on a hill. 

We need to stand strong together, not demanding our own way and agenda, and even in writing that it's hard because my mind immediately goes to my own world view and beliefs and sees the counter viewpoint as wrong. This is not an easy task, overcoming division isn't easy because it means setting aside our own pride and desires to hear another. The more firm we become in our view, the more we refuse to listen and work together, the quicker the end will get here.

I am worried about the future of this country. I am worried about the world my daughters are going to grow up in. I don't want to see America bring about its own destruction. 

 Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11 

  TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!

You're Early Little One, by Will

On October 18, 2019, I was sitting in my chair in our living room when I heard my wife of just under a month get up and go into the bathroom. A few minutes later, the reaction I heard told me the result of the pregnancy test she had taken. A baby was not in our plans for the first year of marriage, but God really does have a great sense of humor. The first doctor she went to gave us a due date of June 20, 2020, but much like her mother, Raya Revere does her own thing.

On Friday, June 5, I was wrapping up the day at work when I got a call from my wife, "Hi, my water broke." That was not the phone call I was expecting, we had just hit 38 weeks, and there were things we still needed to do. I went home, helped my wife get situated, and we began monitoring contractions while keeping the midwife informed. The plan was to do a home birth, and around 1:30 am on Saturday the midwife arrived. Things were moving slowly, but everything was going smoothly. Around 10:15 I was sent out to get an exercise ball to try and help the process, and while I was gone, my wife called and said we were going to the hospital.

When we arrived, my wife was at 9.5 centimetres, and within an hour she had delivered, completely naturally, but we didn't get to hold Raya. They began working on her, like they always do when a baby is born, but then they took her out of the room. After about an hour, a doctor came in and told us that she was really sick. During labor, the placenta had torn and in addition to swallowing blood, the bleeding had put stress on Raya and deprived her of oxygen. The doctor told us that the only treatment was to do a 72 hour cooling process that was only available at the main campus of the Cleveland Clinic. This treatment would slow her metabolism and allow her brain and organs to recover. They brought her into the room in the transport cart, and for the first time we got to see our baby girl. She had a breathing tube secured to her face by tape and she was wrapped in some hi-tec bubble wrap that would begin the cooling process.

For 72 hours they lowered her body temperature to 33.5 centigrade, then gradually warmed her back up to normal. While she lay there on the cooling blanket we couldn't hold her, were very limited in being able to even touch her because our body heat could interfere with the treatment. I sat with her at night, and she would grab my finger in her tiny hand. My wife with sit with her during the day, both of us taking in the the numerous wires, tubes, and sensors covering our days old baby girl.

It wasn't until five days after she was born that we were able to hold her, and at that moment I never wanted to set her down. They initially told us that best case she'd be in the NICU for 12 days, we left on day 8.

It's the end of June, really not sure where this month has gone. I haven't slept in a bed since the beginning of the month, making do on small couches in the waiting room when the nurses allowed it, then spending nights in the anti-gravity chair in the Spiritual Care office (we ended up in the same hospital where I had done my CPE unit so the director of Spiritual Care helped me out), and on our couch at home as we rotate nights with Raya duty so one of us can try to sleep (even with this I haven't slept through the night in a month). But we're home, Raya is growing, gaining about 1.5 ounces a day (.5 ounces is what they want). She's alert, taking in faces, her neck is getting stronger as she does her tummy time, and we have our daddy/daughter song.

Raya's name comes from Malachi 4.2, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves." (NIV). Raya Revere was born on the 66th anniversary of the D-Day invasion, and began a fight for her life. When the doctor first told us the news and left the room, we prayed and I began listening to the song "King of my Heart." So many people prayed for Raya, hundreds of people I don't know and have never met prayed for my baby girl. Raya is home, God brought healing in her life, and we are waiting anxiously to see the healing He brings through her life.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!

This Past Season, by Will

This past week marked the official completion of my first CPE unit. The past four months have been one of the best experiences of my life. It has pushed me in ways that were uncomfortable but necessary, helping me to lower my guard, hold the tension of my emotions, and come to a better understanding of my own feelings. I have responded to 30 deaths from a 5 year old to 94. I've sat with patients who have received news that cancer is terminal, those waiting for lifesaving treatment, and those who simply wanted someone to talk to. I've met some amazing people who have challenged me and helped me grow. This unit has also brought further insight into my own story and the role healing plays in being able to use my story to guide others to their own healing.

It's weird being done, and it brings with it a lot of mixed emotions. I really enjoyed my initial CPE experience, going to class each week and being around people who genuinely accepted me as I was and wanted to see and help me grow was an experience I haven't had a lot of in life, and so Wednesday was something I looked forward to. Then there were clinical hours, and while being stuck inside on a beautiful Saturday wasn't my first choice, the time I spent with patients was always rewarding, because I was with people who needed me at a very difficult or scary time. But then COVID-19 happened, and it changed the process of CPE. Instead of meeting in person, we did class over Zoom. Instead of being able to visit patients, everything was done over the phone. I didn't enjoy the second half as much as the first, but it was in this second half that I actually began to have the biggest personal break through.

Being done with my Unit 1 of CPE is like taking a deep breath after being underwater (to be fair, while CPE was a bit intense, the reality is that everything else going on in my own life and in the world added to the overwhelming nature of it). Having completed this, there is a sense of a burden being removed, there is one less thing on my plate right now. At the same time, there is a sense of accomplishment, I did that. I remember going into the unit feeling overwhelmed and sick to my stomach, I had no appetite and was extremely anxious. I had very little idea what I was getting into, and what I thought I was getting into wasn't actually what I was getting into. I had no idea how I was going to fulfill the assignments for the unit, and I wasn't sure what it was going to look like adding 24 hours a week in class and clinical hours to my full time job and other responsibilities as a husband and father.

I feel like I should say something profound about the state of the world right now. COVID and the role the media and politics have played in it, the state of politics in America and the election this year, riots over racism, but honestly, I don't know that I really have anything to say about it. It's all a mess, the situation is hard, and there is no easy answer or solution, and as much as I hate to admit it to myself, I can't fix this. But one thing I've learned in CPE is that I don't have to. I don't have to carry the weight of the world, I don't have to solve everyone's problems, I'm allowed to be angry about it, I'm allowed to be tired and worn out, I'm allowed to be a human being. I don't have to have all the answers.

The world is a mess, humanity is a mess, and God is still God. I'm learning more about who God is and how He relates to us in times of hardship and suffering. I'm realizing that God doesn't work according to our theology because God exists outside of our theology; His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. As everything happens around us, it's ok to have no answers and it's ok to be angry. It's ok to question God (more on that in a few weeks/months). The key is trust in the goodness of God, and pursuit of our own individual healing. Trust in God, even when He seems absent and silent allows us to hold on to hope. Our own personal healing allows us to help guide others on their own journey of healing.

It sounds so simple, and if I hadn't been through what I've been through for the past half decade I'd say it was just words, but my own journey has been difficult and these are the truths I have found, or am finding to be true.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!