This Past Season, by Will

This past week marked the official completion of my first CPE unit. The past four months have been one of the best experiences of my life. It has pushed me in ways that were uncomfortable but necessary, helping me to lower my guard, hold the tension of my emotions, and come to a better understanding of my own feelings. I have responded to 30 deaths from a 5 year old to 94. I've sat with patients who have received news that cancer is terminal, those waiting for lifesaving treatment, and those who simply wanted someone to talk to. I've met some amazing people who have challenged me and helped me grow. This unit has also brought further insight into my own story and the role healing plays in being able to use my story to guide others to their own healing.

It's weird being done, and it brings with it a lot of mixed emotions. I really enjoyed my initial CPE experience, going to class each week and being around people who genuinely accepted me as I was and wanted to see and help me grow was an experience I haven't had a lot of in life, and so Wednesday was something I looked forward to. Then there were clinical hours, and while being stuck inside on a beautiful Saturday wasn't my first choice, the time I spent with patients was always rewarding, because I was with people who needed me at a very difficult or scary time. But then COVID-19 happened, and it changed the process of CPE. Instead of meeting in person, we did class over Zoom. Instead of being able to visit patients, everything was done over the phone. I didn't enjoy the second half as much as the first, but it was in this second half that I actually began to have the biggest personal break through.

Being done with my Unit 1 of CPE is like taking a deep breath after being underwater (to be fair, while CPE was a bit intense, the reality is that everything else going on in my own life and in the world added to the overwhelming nature of it). Having completed this, there is a sense of a burden being removed, there is one less thing on my plate right now. At the same time, there is a sense of accomplishment, I did that. I remember going into the unit feeling overwhelmed and sick to my stomach, I had no appetite and was extremely anxious. I had very little idea what I was getting into, and what I thought I was getting into wasn't actually what I was getting into. I had no idea how I was going to fulfill the assignments for the unit, and I wasn't sure what it was going to look like adding 24 hours a week in class and clinical hours to my full time job and other responsibilities as a husband and father.

I feel like I should say something profound about the state of the world right now. COVID and the role the media and politics have played in it, the state of politics in America and the election this year, riots over racism, but honestly, I don't know that I really have anything to say about it. It's all a mess, the situation is hard, and there is no easy answer or solution, and as much as I hate to admit it to myself, I can't fix this. But one thing I've learned in CPE is that I don't have to. I don't have to carry the weight of the world, I don't have to solve everyone's problems, I'm allowed to be angry about it, I'm allowed to be tired and worn out, I'm allowed to be a human being. I don't have to have all the answers.

The world is a mess, humanity is a mess, and God is still God. I'm learning more about who God is and how He relates to us in times of hardship and suffering. I'm realizing that God doesn't work according to our theology because God exists outside of our theology; His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. As everything happens around us, it's ok to have no answers and it's ok to be angry. It's ok to question God (more on that in a few weeks/months). The key is trust in the goodness of God, and pursuit of our own individual healing. Trust in God, even when He seems absent and silent allows us to hold on to hope. Our own personal healing allows us to help guide others on their own journey of healing.

It sounds so simple, and if I hadn't been through what I've been through for the past half decade I'd say it was just words, but my own journey has been difficult and these are the truths I have found, or am finding to be true.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!

Why Is The Best Part of The Church Service Greeting Each Other?, by Aaron

It is Sunday morning, and they walk into the beautiful church building with one kid hanging off of each of their arms and another one running to get to their classroom as service is just beginning. The parents drop off each child into their correct classroom. By the time all of their children are finally in their rooms (sometimes screaming like crazy), the worship team has already started their first of four songs for the morning. The two parents are a little angry, flushed, and trying to prepare their hearts for worship while the first song has just ended. By the last song the parents have finally calmed themselves down and are able to relax a little while they sit for the sermon. This is a story about my wife, my kids, and myself, and this happened for many years every Sunday morning. Does this sound familiar to anyone at all?

After the worship leader ends his final song, an elder or the pastor comes on to the stage to pray. After the prayer, they tell the congregation to “turn around and greet the people behind you”. Each different church congregation performs this slightly differently each week. Sometimes this request to greet others is at the beginning of the service, after worship, and sometimes it is at the end of service. I’ve been to many services and almost all of them have this request to greet each other.

What I am about to articulate in these next few paragraphs is something that I have been thinking about for months and years honestly. What I am going to discuss is not meant to judge or point the finger at anyone or group of people. This is something I feel God wants me to try to articulate for others and really myself. I think I have been avoiding it for a long time. I am hoping that as I write this, that you as a member of the body of Christ will start to ask yourself, why? Why do we do what we do as a “church”?

So let’s go back to the service I started to describe at the beginning. After we are asked to greet those behind us, I want to describe what I have seen for many years. Immediately a smile flows across everyone’s face and things get lively. People run across the room to give Aunt Betty and Uncle Jim a hug. People are laughing and quickly asking how each other’s week has been. People are greeting visitors of the church and even greeting members of the church that they don’t talk too much or haven’t even met. Then after about two or three minutes something happens. Things get serious!! Silence occurs, you could hear a pin drop in the room. Most people lose their smiles, laughing stops, and they put on their thinking and "spiritual hats" as the pastor begins the sermon for 30 to 45 minutes (give or take).

Two questions: 1. does this scene sound a little off to you? 2. Is this what God intends when we gather together as a body? If the answer is yes to those to questions, then I am truly happy for you. I want you to be blessed and I pray God is working in your heart. Unfortunately for me, this scene is so familiar and for many years I’ve ignored how I’ve felt. But for some reason the Holy Spirit keeps nudging me (I need to listen to Him more). What if a typical Sunday gathering was just “greeting the person behind you”? What would that service look like? I believe it would like a lot like 1 Corinthians 14:26 which reads: What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.

Let me create a fictional scene for you! You are at church and someone on stage tells you to turn around and greet the people behind you after worship. You and three other people from your row turn around and start up a conversation with the four people behind you. As you are talking to each other, you find out that one of the couples is having a really hard time with paying the bills the past two months. The Holy Spirit wants you to pray for that couple and the Spirit leads you in a prayer. After that prayer, the Holy Spirit begins working in another person in that group and he tells the group that he has been dealing with lust recently and would really appreciate prayer. So the group begins to pray, but the lights begin to dim and the sermon is starting so everyone sits down. That person needs prayer and the Holy Spirit is leading that part of the church body to pray, but it won’t happen. Why? Because we have to follow the order of the service, even if the Holy Spirit is leading us in a different path that day.

Over the past few months I have been reading about members of the body of Christ that meet like they did in the book of Acts (Acts 2:42-47). The gathering of believers is very different from what we as a body of believers are used to. I am a part of a group that meets online each week and talks about how God is working in our life. We pray for each other, we discuss versus God has put on our heart, sometimes we sing together. Really anything the Holy Spirit has put on our heart to share, the floor is open to anyone. No sermon, no worship service, no church building, just Jesus. I know this may be hard to understand and probably will be confusing. So what am I saying to you as the reader? Start asking God how you can join Him in His work? Let’s just start somewhere. If you feeling like nothing is wrong, then like I said earlier, I am truly happy for you and pray God keeps working in your life and in your congregation. But if you are searching, I would say to first, not ignore it and second to begin searching.

Two very good books I read recently Letter’s to the Church by Francis Chan and Finding Church by Wayne Jacobsen (no they are not paying me). Both of these books are great resources and have a lot of scripture and references that talk about the New Testament Church and how church may look different under the headship of Christ. I’m going to write more about this in my next couple of blogs. As I hear more from the Father, I will write down what I am hearing from the Holy Spirit and what I am learning as I study the Word more. I believe that the Lord is working in the church and he loves his people so deeply and will always respond to them as they call upon his name. Let’s search him out on the subject of the church though. Let’s start loving each other in a different way. Let’s start looking for the work of the Lord whole heartedly. The Lord loves the church so much; and No, I’m not talking about a Building!!
God bless!
Aaron

I Took a Hike, by Will

Last week was an rough week for me. The previous Friday I woke up and found out a friend of mine had suffered a massive heart attack and died the day before. I couldn't believe what I was reading, and spent several minutes searching Facebook to make sure I had really read what I had just read. Josh couldn't be dead, he was so full of life, such an amazing guy, and yet his wife's post was so clear, Josh was gone. I went to work, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Monday I took the day off, I just needed some time to process the reality of what was happening. I went to a familiar trail, one that I have hiked for the past 10 years. I got to the trail-head later than I would have liked, but due to the current pandemic, there was only one car in the parking lot when I pulled in. I had the woods pretty much to myself, I didn't see anyone for almost two hours, and I hiked the slowest hike I have ever walked.

Usually I just get out to cover miles and clear my head, but today I was there to process so many things. The reality of death doesn't freak me out, but this one was close. Josh had been one of the biggest encouragers I had ever met; he believed in me more than I believed in me at times, and even though I hadn't seen him in years, he made an impact on my life. I needed some time just to let reality sink in.

Then there is everything CPE has been bringing to the surface. I've learned so much about myself, which is the point of CPE, and there are so many things I'm wanting to further explore. I've thought about moments in life that have caused pain, moments that have caused me to put my guard up, moments that have made me shut down the part of me that feels and cause me to keep people at arms length. There is a lot of work I need to do in this area, and it's a scary task because of the vulnerability that is required, not simply to undergo the process, but in the way I need to live life as a result of the process.

I walked, one foot in front of the other, covering about five miles in three hours, I've never moved that slowly on a trail. I took in the woods, I know this trail so well, and I was saddened by all of the destruction I noticed. Maybe it was everything that was on my mind, maybe it was the season, but I just noticed so many downed trees, broken branches, and just a mess of tangled tree limbs along the trail. It was a mess, not the normal beauty that this part of Ohio has, and it saddened me, making a somber hike even more dismal. I found myself with a bit of hopelessness.

The world is dealing with a global pandemic. A wife no longer has a husband, four children no longer have their dad. I haven't seen my girls in weeks, the legal process seems like it's going to go on forever, and I'm looking for answers and a ear to hear my concerns over my girls that no one seems to care about. My wife's business hasn't grown like she would like, and I feel very stuck with where my life is at and seems to be going. The woods just added to my feelings of hopelessness, and then I came to spot where I used to water my dog when we would hike together.

There is a small stream the comes from the rock, it pools and then flows down through the woods to a creek in a valley. As I stood an looked into the woods, my eyes caught the green plants beginning to grow from the forest floor. Amidst old fallen trees and the dead leaves, new life was emerging from the ground.

This pandemic will not last forever. The hard times that we are facing now will come to an end. Though life will not be the same, there is hope and life even in the midst of death and despair. After death of winter, spring comes again.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!