When it came to buying gifts for my groomsmen, I wasn't sure what to do. Normally I'm really good at giving gifts (I hate to admit it, but I think my primary love language is gifts). The first wedding I ended up just giving the guys gift cards (really personal). I kicked around the idea of doing that again, but I honestly hate that I did it the first time and there was no way I was doing that again. The three guys who stood by me this time are men I claim as brothers; they have stood by me through the roughest part of my life, and there is nothing I would not do for them.
After several weeks I finally came up with the perfect gift, and I ended up doing a two part gift, and even that two part gift changed a bit. The night before my wedding as the four of us were back at my apartment, I gave each of them a Spartan shield key ring from Greece. These men are part of my phalanx, and the key chain is a reminder that I've got their back no matter what. For the second part, I told them I was getting them a date with their wives. This being my second marriage, and still going through a 4+ year legal battle, I never want them to end up where I've been. There were a lot of issues with my first marriage (one day I may get into all of that here), but one of the key things is that I stopped pursuing my ex-wife. I had planned to get them each a gift card to some place near them, and send them a list of questions they needed to ask their wives while on the date, but due to the ongoing legal battle, I have very little creative mental capacity right now (for those of you who read my personal blog, that's why I've been absent for most of the year).
I don't remember how I found it, but on there was a book I discovered on Amazon called "52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple's Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together" (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00H3V4YYC?ref=dbs_p2d_P_R_popup_yes_pony_T1) I bought it for my wife and I, and after reading through the first couple dates, I decided that instead of one evening, I would get each of them this book. I highly recommend it for all married couples; the couple my wife and I have done have been great, and helped us bond closer together.
This year, as we celebrated our first married Christmas, we decided to do something crazy. We went to Frankenmuth, Michigan, home of Bronner's Christmas Wonderland, the worlds largest Christmas store. It's a four hour drive, and since we were going to have a lot of time in the car, I decided to have a date with my wife. We did "The Music Date" over two days. For this date, you each compile a list of songs that have been meaningful during your lives and play them for each other, discussing them and what they mean to you.
My list consisted of a song that had impacted me in high school, my funeral play list (seriously think about that, the more you can do to prepare and organize your funeral, the easier it is on your grieving loved ones), the enneagram one song, songs that reminded me of my wife, "Concerning Hobbits" from the Fellowship of the Ring sound track, and a couple other songs that had meant something to me over the past few years. As we listened and talked about my list, it made me think a lot about life, where I've been, what I've gone through, and where I'm at now.
It's time to say this, but God and I are in a weird place, and we have been for almost a decade. My experiences in pastoral ministry have not helped, and the ongoing difficulties of being at the mercy of the legal system have been very draining. There was a time back in college, when life was simple, when God was my best friend; we had such intimacy and fellowship that it was evident to those around me. Now, I would rather spend my mornings reading the Appalachian Trail book I got for Christmas than opening my Bible, and I'd rather destress with any number of distractions instead of prayer. I spend a lot of my time longing for the day when I'll be hiking the AT, PCT, and CDT, or sitting in my orchard watching the sunset, than I do about the ministry I had been pursing.
This past year I've heard of two friends, one who has given up on his faith, and one who almost did, and I've wondered if that's going to be me. As I've pondered that, the words of John 6 keep coming to my mind, "As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, 'You do not want to go away also, do you?' Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.'"
Am I going to leave my faith, no, I've experienced God too much in the past to doubt that He is real, and that He alone is God, but as the Bible says, "You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder." (James 2.19) I don't simply want to believe in God, but I want the passion and fire that I once had, no, I want greater passion and fire than I once had. I want to wake up in the morning and run to my chair to be with God (one day I want to run to my orchard to be with Him). I want to teach my children who God is and how to pursue Him. I want my distance hikes to be journeys that help me draw closer to, and discover more about God. I want to make an impact on the world so that the songs played at my funeral are not simply pleasant melodies for some people to hear, but testimonies that inspire steadfast faithfulness.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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